• I read Sonic Overload. Bellow are some thoughts and suggestions I have.

    The story is very difficult to read because it is writen in some kind of script format that resembles theatre scripts. If it wasn;t for the small overview of the plot I wouldn't have been able to understand anything. I would recomend you wrote a synopsis of the story instead, or, if you want to get more specific, a treatment (which is basically the entire story, written in detail, while retaining the game's look and feel). Scripts are not useful unless you are a director, actor or an editor and about to film it.

    Furthermore, I find it impossible and impractical to have a game with so many characters and different stories. I believe this distracts you from the overall story of the game and makes the experience tiring. I would suggest you put story first, characters second. All elements should serve the story and the story needs to be clear to the reader/viewer/player. Unfortunately, this is not the case with Sonic Overload. Why not put the characters in teams like in Sonic Heroes and have team stories? Still, I believe you should eliminate at least half of your characters since they don't seem to be doing much other than exist for fan service. I also don't understand what Sid is. I thought he was an ant but I visited his page and got confused.

    In terms of plot, the story seems basic and predictable to me. Ominous did not seem really threatening and I could tell from the overview than he was going to be beaten easily in final battle between Sonic and Sid. Him partnering up with Eggman is something I've already seen recently in Sonic Forces. Again, the story is fragmented and impossible to keep track of because of your too many characters and subplots. With a synopsis, it would be easier to get an overview of the story and revise your drafts.

    The way you have structured the story affects the remaining features such as levels, bosses, gameplay and modes. Although I feel they are too much for a game, they are well written, specific and easy to understand. The levels seemed repetitive to me because I've seen them in Sonic games again and again. Why not introduce us to new worlds and levels? The boss and level pages are not complete as I saw, so I can't comment on anything else.

    The page layout is nice and I admire your dedication. You have written about the production, upgrades, controls, trailer, music and DLC, which makes the page look more serious. Small things like these personally make me appreciate someone's work. Just make sure you fix the templates at the beginning of the page. You need only one. Two makes it confusing and is unecessary. You might want to change the platforms since the Wii is discontinued.

    Overall, I believe your story needs a lot of work because a game on paper is pitched on story and gameplay. Since your story is presented in such a fragmented way, I could not understand your vision of the game e.g. how it looks, how it feels, the atmosphere etc. Personally, I put a lot of emphasis on story and it helps me understand what the creator imagines. This is mostly absent in your game, although the page layout and information you've added indicates that there is a lot of room for self-improvement.

    Grade: ✰✰

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