The Joker of Hearts (aka Fetzig Heart) is an extra-temporal/spatial being from a location where the "improbable" is not only possible, it seems to be mandatory.

Physical Description

There are several things that set Heart apart from most of Mobius, including:

  • Her improbably natural purple hair color
  • Her glowing-green, cat-shaped eyes
  • Her needle-like teeth
  • Her rather short, but improbably sharp, red nails
  • Her choice of clothing (red top hat, red "gothic" dress and black, steel tipped, knee high boots.)

As you might imagine, she tends to get odd looks when walking down the street.


Because of the large amounts of Improbability that is now integrated into her body, it is rare for Heart to wake up the same person she was before she fell asleep. She might be incredibly friendly one day and a ruthless killer the next, but there are several consistencies:

  • She's always cheerful, even when she's in the mood to slit throats.
  • She always appreciates the random and obscure. Having a birthmark shaped like broccoli might win her over.
  • She will never aggressively attack someone she considers a friend, however, she might knock them out for fun.
  • Her language quirks (See subsection titled "Language Quirks" for a complete list) will always remain.

Other than those four things, Heart is a complete wild-card.

Language Quirks

Heart doesn't call everything the things we do...

  • Mobian/Tigeroan Cat = Kittymorph
  • Mobian Canine = Doggymorph
  • Mobian Fox = Foxymorph
  • Mobian Avian(bird) = Birdymorph
  • Mobian Hedgehog/Porcupine (she doesn't recognize the difference) = HedgePig
  • Mobian Echidna = DreadHead
  • Human/Overlander = Newbie
  • Cyborg/Robot = Bionic Buddies
  • Other, uncommon and odd-looking beings = Mutant (adds descriptive words based off of appearance eg. Mutant Kittymorph)
  • Fish = Tasty Meat
  • Beef = Half-Decent Meat
  • Poultry = Crap Meat
  • Lions = Sneaky B******s
    • Mobian Lions = Sneaky B******morph
  • Domestic Cats = Mine!
  • Domestic Dogs = Ugly B****** Animals
  • Pokemon = Cute Little Mutant Pets :3
  • Money = Req

Improbable Abilities

Most, if not all, of Heart's abilities are based on the energy of "Improbability", the energy that causes madness through randomness. Below is a comprehensive list of how she uses this energy to her advantage.

  • Improbable Summons: Heart generates an orb of crackling green improbability, which will create a small rift in reality upon contact with an object. Through this rift a creature (most commonly a lion) from her old home comes into our realm and does her bidding so long as she's stronger than it. Heart can disband any Improbable Summons at any time she wishes, and a defeated summons will return back to the plane from whence it came.
  • Improbable Lightning: Heart gathers improbability into her hands (a split second process) and launches it like a bolt of lightning at her target. The effects of this bolt vary with each shot, ranging from freezing the victim solid to changing their skin and hair color. The only thing that is constant with this attack is the fact it never misses, this being because it is not affected by conductivity while still traveling at the speed of lightning (which is far faster than Sonic could ever run).
  • Joker-Dice: Heart pulls a pair of Joker-Dice, dice that have been suffused with improbability, and throws/rolls them at her target. These dice come in a variety of styles, and each type of die has its own set of effects. Below is a list of known styles and their effects.
    • Six-Sided Dice: On impact the dice will do one of three things: (one) Cause the target and an area five meter area them to phase out of this realm and into her home realm, (two) do damage akin to that of a fragmentation grenade and an incendiary grenade exploding at the same time or, (three) inflict concussive damage akin to that of two dice thrown at a speed over 340 meters-per-second (the speed of sound). (Note: The effect is determined by Hunter rolling a pair of six sided dice. Snake eyes results in effect one, with any other pair resulting in effect two and effect three happening on anything else. Throwing only one die results in effect three every time.)
    • Ten-Sided Dice: These dice cause effects individually based on what number comes up. These effects are based off of the ten attack forms known as "Attributes":
      • Results in a five-meter radius around the die spontaneously disintegrating, leaving a gaping crater in its wake.
      • Results in an incredibly painful sonic blast emanating from the die.
      • Results in the five meter radius around the die suddenly freezing in time for 24 hours. This frozen area can't even be entered, but may be picked up an moved like a giant orb.
      • Results in gravity suddenly shutting off in a 100 meter area until Heart retrieves her die.
      • Results in a very realistic illusion cropping up, generally of something terrifying or very "desirable". The illusion is different for every person that views it.
      • Results in the area surrounding the die superheating, turning the ground into molten glass.
      • Results in a shower of random origin, generally of small, common objects.
      • Results in a spatial rift opening above the die. To where the rift leads, nobody knows.
      • Results in a rather large blast of Aura energy, which will either help or harm surrounding life. Non-organic materials are unaffected.
      • Results in surrounding objects changing into weapons that may be made from them. Stone baseball-bat anyone?
  • Eighteen-sided Dice: These dice roll across invisible tables to smash into targets like homing missiles, causing a random type of damage based on what number comes up.
    • Fire
    • Chaos
    • Electricity
    • Dragon
    • Ice
    • Dark
    • Poison
    • Improbability
    • Water
    • Earth
    • Psychonic
    • Nature
    • Light
    • Wind
    • Holy
    • Unholy
    • Energy
    • Healing

[Stay tuned for more.]

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