The Fakest Things Alive is a fanfic by BearfootTruck, and the second episode in the ASMW series. Following his return to Knothole, Sonic goes out on another mission for his friends and goes missing. With Sonic gone, his friends have little time to find him before the timeline is changed forever.
One day, Sonic brings home a 1978 Yamaha YZ400 motocross bike. Tails agrees to modify the bike, but Rotor also wants Sonic to help out by bringing back some power packs for an anti-aircraft defense laser that he's building. Sonic goes to a junkyard in Eggopolis and gets the power packs, but on the way home, he is zapped back in time (an alternate dimension, actually) because Robotnik attempted to steal the Sol Emeralds. Because of Robotnik's actions, Blaze the Cat comes to Mobius to get the stolen emeralds back. Also, Silver the Hedgehog shows the Freedom Fighters the terrible future that awaits without Sonic.
When they get back home, they immediately conduct a search for Sonic. Meanwhile, Ol' Blue travels through various eras, including the Pleistocene Era, Ancient Greece, the High Middle Ages, the Italian Renaissance, the Salem Witch Trials, the Civil War and New York City in 1977. In the Big Apple, the Blue Blur befriends a woman named Sharon St. Martin, a baker who aspires to be a famous singer. The two of them have lots of fun in the city, and Sonic helps Sharon get one step closer to realizing her dream. Before he heads back home, he leaves a gift for her & a note.
In the present day, the Freedom Fighters think they have located Sonic, but they’ve only located two impostors: Harry Potter Obama the Hedgehog and Ogorki the Hedgehog. Both of these impostors cause plenty of trouble for the residents of the Great Forest. One of the worst instances occurs when Harry Potter Obama kidnaps Cheese. Shadow manages to defeat both of these impostors, though.
Sonic completes his trip through time, but before he can get back home, the Keeper of Time and Space challenges Sonic to answer three questions. Sonic answers them correctly and comes back just in time to help Tails & Rotor defeat a squadron of stealthbots, just when the laser has run out of power. Having finished his trip, Sonic gets back home and is about to test out his modified Yamaha YZ400 "Whirlwind" when Sally, Shadow, Rouge, Amy and Antoine show up. They’re all angry at him for his supposed injustices against them, but Sonic (who is innocent) runs away with them in pursuit.
A red Sonic tells the audience about the wonders of marijuana. However, the real Sonic steps in and warns the audience not to impersonate people unless they’re on an undercover mission.
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- Miles "Tails" Prower
- Knuckles the Echidna
- Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik
- Sally Acorn
- Bunnie Rabbot
- Antoine Depardieu/D'Coolette
- Rotor Walrus
- Shadow the Hedgehog
- Rouge the Bat
- Cream the Rabbit
- Blaze the Cat
- Silver the Hedgehog
- Snively Robotnik
- Amy Rose
- Vanilla the Rabbit
- Athenian guards
- Residents of Athens
- English villagers
- Pagan cultists
- William's Knights
- Residents of Florence
- Michelangelo’s assistants
- Residents of Salem Village
- Union soldiers
- Confederate soldiers
- Cab driver
- Residents of NYC
- NYPD officers
- Various muggers
- Radio DJ
- News announcer
- Carriage driver
- Food vendors
- Bank teller
- Bank robbers
- Ticket salespeople
- Sharon's band
- Club MC
- Dominic Colson
- Infinity DJ
- Red Sonic
- Harry Potter Obama the Hedgehog
- Galileo Ogorki Konserwowe the Hedgehog/Gurkon the Dragon
- William the Conqueror
- Leonardo da Vinci
- Jon Hathorne
- Thomas Danforth
- General John Buford
- Sharon St. Martin
- Keeper of Time and Space
- This episode's title is a reference to the phrase "The Fastest Thing Alive", a nickname of Sonic's and also a line from the SatAM theme song.
- Harry Potter Obama & Ogorki are actually recolored Sonics featured on some shoddy knockoff products. Harry Potter Obama appeared on a backpack, while Ogorki appeared on a jar of pickles.
- So far, this is one of the few stories in the ASMW series that contains a swear word worse than "damn" or "hell".
- While it's not clear where Sonic got the YZ400 from, it can be assumed that he got it from one of the same junkyards that he got the battery packs from.
- Despite only being 3'3", Sonic can operate the YZ400 as well as a fully-grown human. To help him with this, Tails modifies the footpegs, shift lever & kickstand. Prior to this, Sonic probably tied a stick to the shift lever and jumped off if he wanted to stop the bike. It's crude, but it worked for him.
- Cream's line about Sonic trying to stop Robotnik is a reference to Sonic X.
- The reason that Sonic went back in time & space is because of the energy from the Sol Emeralds. In effect, Robotnik's tampering with the Emeralds had some unintended consequences.
- The dystopian future that Silver shows to the Freedom Fighters could be a reference to Back to the Future II. Speaking of BTTF, the title of Chapter 4 is also a shout-out.
- It is implied that Snively murdered Robotnik in order to become the ruler of Mobius.
- Since Rouge was present in the POW barracks in "Two Kinds of Heroes", Antoine should’ve noticed her presence. However, he was probably too frightened to remember her that well.
- Socrates' question about men & horses is a line taken from one of Plato’s Socratic Dialogues. Alcibiades is a character featured in some of these Dialogues.
- The name given to Sonic by the pagan cultists, "Herison", is derived from the French word for "hedgehog": "hérisson".
- Sonic's mention of "King Julian the Metal" refers to an early name for Dr. Robotnik: Dr. Julian Kintobor.
- The Creation of Adam is perhaps the most famous fresco from the Sistine Chapel. It depicts God reaching out and touching Adam’s finger with his own.
- Thomas Danforth was very critical of the way the Salem Witch Trials were handled, contrary to what many portrayals of him suggest.
- The song that Harry Potter Obama sings before blowing up Antoine’s model is actually a poorly-paced version of "Hitler Has Only Got One Ball".
- NYPD unit 2391's number is a reference to the date the first Sonic the Hedgehog game was released: June 23, 1991
- The mugging attempt on the subway is a reference to an infamous scene from the movie Death Wish, and also the Bernhard Goetz incident.
- The news story about the serial killer is a reference to the movie Driller Killer.
- Sonic's rap song was probably sung using the beat of "Le Spank" by Le Pamplemousse, but any song from 1977 & earlier with a similar beat could have been used.
- The porno theater that Sonic goes to is the same one that Travis Bickle (Robert de Niro) takes Betsy (Cybill Shepherd) to in the movie Taxi Driver.
- Star Wars actually was playing at the Astor Plaza theater in 1977.
- Rosen's Bakery is named after David Rosen, the former CEO of Sega.
- Janson's Restaurant is named after Len Janson, the creator & story editor of SatAM.
- Oshima's General Store is named after Naoto Oshima, the guy who created Sonic.
- This is the first episode in ASMW where Shadow uses a Smith & Wesson Model 29 instead of his P-38.
- Blue Sphere Records is a reference to the special stages from Sonic 3/Sonic & Knuckles, where one had to get Blue Spheres.
- Infinity Disco burned down in a huge fire on the night of February 14, 1979. Some sources claim that 21 people died as a result of this fire, but there appears to be little evidence to back it up.
- The scene where Sonic is questioned by the Keeper of Time & Space is a reference to the bridge scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
- Magnacarbide & Umbronium are fictional elements. Magnacarbide may have something to do with magnesium & carbon, while Umbronium derives its name from "umbra" – "shadow" in Latin.