Chapter 0: A Song!
Our story begins with a song. Speedy decided to turn on the instrumental to Fist Bump and started to sing.
“Max can’t do this alone! Because he isn’t strong!” She sang. Everyone surrounding her covered their ears in horror.
Julia looked at Speedy with a glare. "You suck at singin'."
“I want to see you sing, Julia,” Speedy responded.
"Why?" Julia asked, crossing her arms. She wasn't too good at singing herself.
“As I am reading this page right now, you aren’t that good at singing either.” Speedy said in a snarky tone. “As I now give everyone the power to break the fourth wall! So, who wants to sing next? Wiki? Lee? Max? Anyone?”
Julia slapped her forehead with her hand. "Bloody heck."
Speedy looked annoyed. “That’s British. Wait..l sounded racist.”
"Yeah, I've got British mannerisms," Julia replied, frowning. Then she shrugged. She looked towards the camera in front of them and said, "Yeah, I'm kinda British. Get over it."
Lee appears. "Speedy, I'm not supposed to be here yet, so ssshhhhhhh." He then vanished as quickly as he came.
Julia just stared at the spot Lee disappeared from. "I don't get it."
“All hail Lee Prower...?” Speedy said awkwardly. “Does anyone else want to sing?”
"In my world~" Max sang, trying to find something to do. "Lyrics, I don't know~ In my world~ It has a decent flow~ In my world~ Where compromise is necessary~ In my world~ Lalalala, aaah, I'm blanking~" Max then took a bow.
Speedy started crying. “I cre everytime.” She whipped out a violin. “In his world! Where things are weird! In his world! Get me away from here! In this world! Let’s start the RP! In this world of worlds, who’s responsible? Oh...it’s me...well then.”
Julia let out an irritated growl and a Piko Hammer appeared in her hand. "Say hello to my hammer!" She swung it at Speedy.
Speedy got hit by the hammer. “What did I do...?” She wimpered.
"You sang," Skyblade said, walking over carrying Infinite's mask "Also, this thing doesn't fit. Does anyone have anything bigger?"
Julia let out a shriek. "Ak! The enemy!"
“Get plastic surgery!” Speedy yelled out.
"Take this, bad guy!" Julia shouted, swinging her hammer around. She looked at the camera man and asked, "The camera's still rollin', right?"
The camera man rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes."
Julia grinned and swung her hammer at Skyblade. "Hammer attack!"
Skyblade teleports away from Julia. "I have the Phantom Ruby, remember?"
"Bloody-!" Julia shook her head in irritation. "Just you wait. I'll get you next time!"
“They call him Infinite for a reason,” Speedy said, being snarky again. She thought for a second. “Okay, maybe I can’t sing, but you never said I can’t rap!” She turned on the instrumental to Infinite. “Yeah! Yo! I’m the tallest of mountains!”
"Rap?!" Julia exclaimed in horror. "I hate rap!" Her hammer disappeared from her hands and she plugged her ears.
"IT'S NO USE!" screamed Wikikinetic out of nowhere.
“What the hell, Wiki?” Speedy said in an annoyed tone. “SILVER SERVES NO USE! Actually, Silver’s pretty cool.”
"I know I'm no use..." moped Wiki. "'Cause every night, it just stays the same...in my dream of an absolution..." Suddenly, Wiki started singing the background music to Dreams of an Absolution.
“We found it...the...not Iblis Trigger?” Speedy claimed. “NO, NO, NO! That’s WRONG!”
"Surely Max is the Iblis Trigger?" Skyblade said.
"Please, we got that all worked out in Sonic '06!" said Wiki, who had stopped singing by this point. "Actually, wait...'06 never happened...but we all know what happened in it...MY MIND!" Wiki clutched his spiky silver spines of hedgehog hair, then screamed, "IT'S NO USE!"
“I thought it was Max 06,” Speedy said in a confused manner. She scratched her head, then shrugged.
"Max 06...Sonic 06...just a little problem, it's not one we can't fix," rapped Wiki. "Get our bottle of glue, get our scissors too, then we'll splice the names together and we won't cause a stew! Hoo hoo."
“SONAX 06!” Speedy yelled with excitement.
"Agh!" Julia shrieked. Her hammer appeared again and she swung it around. "Stop singing! Or rapping! Or whatever!"
Wiki telekinetically stopped Julia's hammer. "It's no use!" he said. "Take this!" he continued, attempting to throw her across the room.
Julia was flung across the room. She stood up, disheveled, and declared, "I'm getting out of here! Take your danged singin' somewhere else!" With that, she slammed her hammer into the nearest wall, making a gaping hole. She grabbed the camera man's hand and pulled him after her.
"Wait!" he shouted as they charged out of the room. "What about my camera gear...?!"
And then they were gone.
“I know one person who will ship it...” Speedy snarked for a third time. She did a cheeky giggle. “Cheeky is British! I’m not racist!” She danced around excitedly, all while clutching her two orange tails. She did some more singing. “We all danced in fire, trapped in this machine—come on, Lee! Come out of your hiding spot and sing a little tune! Lee?” She stopped dancing and singing.
Lee grumbles a bit, falling out of his mysterious closet. "Okay, okay..." He proceeds to sing Chameleon Circuit's "Nightmares" while switching between his and Onyx's voice.
"I've ended worlds, I've ended lives. I guess I've done it all..!"
"Fire and Ice and rage inside, how long til I fall..."
Since Speedy doesn’t watch Doctor Who, she had to Google the lyrics to sing along. “Somewhere all my darkest fears are gathering, it's not enough to save the day, I can't escape my nightmares...—aaaaaaaaaaaah! My voice is a nightmare! I can’t escape my nightmares! I don’t know the words, so it’s a nightmare! Aaaaaaaaah!”
Since Lee was supposed to be confusing and an edgelord, he began singing random Batman songs.
“You are not the edgiest, Lee! Skyblade is the edgiest!” Speedy yelled.
Lee crossed his arms. "Can he sing Nightmares?"
“Skyblade...?” Speedy called.
Julia came back through the hole she made earlier, followed by the cameraman- who took his place by the camera again. Julia was dressed in an Indianna Jones outfit, minus the whip, which was replaced by her Piko Hammer. Julia's pink ears and quills poked out from underneath her hat.
"What'ya think of my outfit?" Julia asked, brandishing her Hammer. "Also, I brought ear plugs so I wouldn't have to hear you guys sing."
“Of course you did,” Speedy snarked again. She is an annoying asshole and no one likes her and...why am I typing about myself?! This is just weird!
Julia, looking at the page, laughed in amusement. "Typing about yourself, huh? I don't think you're an asshole, though."
Meanwhile, in the real world, we see a bunch of Sonic fans typing random words. One of them was eating popcorn. We go back to the roleplay.
Julia saw this latest addition. "Aw! I want popcorn too!" She turned to the cameraman and said, "You! Go to the grocery store and get me popcorn."
"I'm not your servant," the cameraman replied.
Julia let out a cry of frustration. "I want popcorn!"
Lee shoved a bag behind him. "Don't we all."
"Here's a song I want to sing!" Julia announced, not noticing Lee hiding a bag behind him. "How much I want popcorn! To the tune of 'You Are My Sunshine!' I'll start. You are my popcorn, my only popcorn!"
Speedy snickered, then whispered to Lee, “Keep the prank going, okay?” She winked for good measure.
"Guess I'll keep going," Julia said, completely oblivious. "You make me happy when I'm hungry! You never know, popcorn, how much I love you! Please don't take my popcorn away! The other night, as I watched a movie, I dreamt I ate a whole bag of popcorn! When I awoke, I was mistaken. So I warmed up one in the microwave!"
"Can I borrow your earplugs, Miss?" Lee asked Julia, covering his ears.
It’s the end of the world as we know it, thought Speedy.
"Sure," Julia replied, handing him the earplugs. Then she turned to Speedy and Skyblade. "Anyone want to help me finish singing?"
“I wish Shadow was here...” Speedy sighed. “Then he would be able to drown out the singing by shouting 'WHERE’S THAT DAMN FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD!' Actually, I have a better idea. Wiki~?”
"Uh... here!" Lee declared, thrusting a bag of popcorn at Julia. "Now you can stop singing, right?"
Julia gladly grabbed it. "Thanks!" She immediately started munching away on the popcorn.
Speedy suddenly found a piano just standing around, and started playing it. She decided to at least try to sing good. The last couple of times she sang, she wasn’t trying at all. “Yamete yaru yo utaite nanka, hi no me o abizu ni shisumu no naraba,” she sang.
Julia continued to gobble her popcorn, ignoring Speedy. To Julia, she was just singing gibberish. But Speedy's voice sounded good.
Speedy continued her crappy Japanese. That was the problem. She could sing, but can’t sing the words correctly. If you donate $1 to the weeaboo foundation, you can help worthless weeaboos learn Japanese!
Julia watched the page as it updated. "What's a weeaboo?"
Speedy looked up from her piano. “A person who claims to be Japanese. Wait...I’m an American.” She said. She started playing her piano again.
"Oh, okay. Thanks," Julia replied. She went back to eating her popcorn.
“And stop chewing so loudly,” Speedy said disgustedly.
Julia looked up. "I didn't know I was chewing so loud. I'll try to be quieter." She tried to chew more softly, but if there was a difference, it was barely noticeable.
“Stopppppppppppppppppp!” Speedy yelled.
Julia looked up again, a piece of popcorn hanging from her mouth. "I'm almost done," she whined.
Speedy started playing All Star on her piano. “Somebody once told me that Max is gonna rule me!”
It was at this inopportune moment that Wiki appeared. "Hey, Speedy?" said Wiki. "I think you called me about a page ago...?"
“Tell Julia that it’s no use!” Speedy told Wiki.
"IT'S NO USE!" said Wiki obediently. Then, lowering his voice, "For the future, why'd I just say that?"
“The reason why is no use,” Speedy replied.
"Um...OK..." said Wiki.
Julia frowned, then shrugged. "Whatever."
Skyblade appears out of nowhere. "Wait, did someone call for me? I was looking for a new mask at the fancy dress shop."
“Lee wants you to sing Nightmares by Chameleon Circut,” Speedy replied.
"I don't know that one." Skyblade said.
"Then I hereby claim the title of edgelord." Lee declared in his deepest voice.
"No, That's impossible," Skyblade replied "Firstly, Shadow actually has a decent reason to edgy. Infinite lacks any decent backstory, therefore multiplying in edginess. Secondly, most of my characters have lived awful lives and yours have their own company. Thirdly, when have you been edgy?"
“Well, he’s edgier than me!” Speedy shouted.
"Speedy, tomatoes are edgier than you." Lee said, casually slipping on Tidal's mask. Meanwhile, Skyblade creates Rugal's hoodie, Vendeta's boots and Tel-Eth's trenchcoat with the Phantom Ruby and puts them on.
"Admit it," Skyblade said in a voice far ediger than Lee's "you've lost."
"I surrender. Now do you want me to sing It's Gonna Be OK or something humorously unedgy? "
“Sing 'You Are My Popcorn'!” Speedy suggested.
A somewhat tall young man with brown hair that reached his shoulders strode in, wearing an Eggman outfit and humming E.G.G.M.A.N. He came to a stop when he noticed how many people were present and cleared his throat. "Uh... hey guys, I'm here. So, I guess we get started now?"
“Sure!” Speedy replied.
"Gotcha, boss lady," Lee says, turning into his human form (instead of a mobian wolf), putting his hood on and vanishing into a shadow.
"You're on, fatty- Wait, you're not that fat, I'm confuzzled," Max said before shaking his head and spinning around at supersonic speeds.
“At least a tomato is edgier than me!” Speedy shouted with excitement.
Julia looked at Speedy. "Say what?"
“Tomatoes!” Speedy yelled.
"What about them?" Julia asked, confused.
“Read the page. CLOSLY,” Speedy said.
Julia read the page. "Tomatoes are edgier than you. Huh. Okay." Then she started laughing hysterically, almost spilling her popcorn.
Speedy started laughing, too. “It’s probably because they’re red!”
"Yeah!" Julia continued to laugh, spilling a few kernels of popcorn.
“LET CHAPTER ONE BEGIN!!!” Speedy yelled.
"Ow, that hurt my ears," Julia muttered softly.
Chapter 1: A New Creation
(Sorry for taking a bit, I hope this is good... -Xoph)
In a dark room full of large, transparent cylinders--stasis pods of some kind--the young man wearing the Eggman costume walked forward. "Ah, Max, how my role hates him. And all that loathing has been focused into this invincible instrument of literary creation!" Within one of the pods was Skyblade, who was floating in some kind of green liquid. "Damn right I'm invincible..." Skyblade muttered to himself.
The young man, Xoph, turned to face Skyblade and continued, "With this power, I'll finally be able to crush that yellow-jacketed nuisance, and then nothing will stand in my way!" He then laughed maniacally. Skyblade looks menacingly out of the pod, before floating forward accidentally and banging into the side, startling Xoph out of his laughter.
“This guy is a failure!” Orbot sighed. Cubot did an awkward laugh. Skyblade used the Phantom Ruby to teleport Orbot inside the tank with him.
“Goddamnit,” Orbot sighed again. Xoph simply stood with folded arms and a disapproving glare towards the spherical robot. “This is a short scene, anyway. Who the hell cares about Skyblade? Not me.”
Skyblade sighed "Just cut to Lost Valley already."
A voice that sounds like Speedy’s shouts, “Will do!”
Chapter 2: What Happened to Max?
As the city was being destroyed, Speedy looked with the OCs in horror. “Please, Max. You can help us!” She begged.
Suddenly, GothicBandicoot appeared out of nowhere. "Hey guys, I finally showed u- OH MY GAWD THE CITY IS BEING DESTROYED!"
Julia also showed up, wearing an Indiana Jones outfit again. She brandished her hammer dangerously. "Got a wee bit of bad guys, eh?"
“We shall fend for ourselves!” Speedy cheered.
Julia chuckled. "Yeppers!"
Suddenly, Fist Bump started playing.
Together we can show the world what we can do!
You are next to me and I’m next to you!
Pushing on through until the battle’s won!
The song suddenly cut out, and a different one started playing.
Who-ooh, ooh, hoo-hoo oh yeah!
D-Di-da, D-Di-da, D-Di-Da Da Da Da Da Da-n, Oh!
"NYA HA HA HA HAA!" Xoph then descended from the sky in the Eggmobile, arms crossed and a mad grin on his face. "Hello everyone! Like what I'm doing with the place?"
“Nope!” Speedy answered. “All we know is...that Max will kick your fat-ass!”
"Lies!" Xoph retorted, "I'm not fat, I only weigh 140. And Max isn't even here!"
“Pounds? Or tons?” Speedy snarked again.
"Probably tons," Julia replied, laughing. "Hey, everyone! He weighs 140 tons!"
Xoph gave them an unamused glare.
“Now, we just need a PSA from AoMTH Max,” Speedy told herself.
"A what?" Julia asked, looking confused.
“A PSA about how bullying is wrong,” Speedy sighed.
"Okay," Julia replied. "What's a PSA, though?"
Speedy looked annoyed. “Public Service Announcement.”
"Thanks!" Julia didn't notice Speedy's annoyance.
“Now, let’s do this thing!” Speedy cheered.
Skyblade floats into shot, reading a newspaper while upside down, before floating away again.
“GIMME DAT NEWSPAPAAAAAAAAAA! IT’S MAI NEWSPAPAAAAAAA!” Speedy cried. “Oh wait, I can fly!”
Julia leapt onto Xoph's Eggmobile. "Red doesn't suit you." She swung her hammer at him.
Xoph quickly spun the Eggmobile around, throwing Julia off. "I look fabulous in red!"
"Eep!" Julia fell on her rear. "Actually, I think blue is more your colour." Her hat fell off and was nowhere to be seen. Her pink ear twitched in irritation. "You made me lose my Indiana Jones hat!"
“I’M BLUE DA BA DI DA BA DIE!” Speedy sang.
"I'll make you yabba-dabba-die!" Xoph exclaimed, pressing a button on the Eggmobile's console.
From behind him, a group of round, silver robots began to approach menacingly.
"Yay, I get to kick the carp out of some buckets of bolts!" Julia ran towards the nearest robot and swung her hammer at it.
Max quickly appeared behind the robots, and they were all destroyed with a quick explosion. Max smiled. "Too easy!"
“Sorry, we’ve could’ve done without you, thanks,” Speedy snarked.
A replica of Lee jumps down and lands behind Max.
“WHAT THE HELL IS LEE DOING HERE?!” Speedy shouted in shock. “Can someone tell me?! Please?!”
Wiki appeared and touched his forehead significantly, closing his eyes for dramatic effect. "I believe that he is here to provide the necessary distractions in order to cause Max to stop focusing for just long enough for Skyblade to beat the living daylights out of him thus setting us on a path for utter failure and being forced to—" Wiki ran out of breath and began gasping for air, falling over dramatically as he did so.
Max quickly turns around and tries to roundhouse kick Rep. Lee in the gut. "Lee! What's gotten into you? Did someone turn the edge factor up too high and turn you into a villain?"
Replicas of Zavok, Chaos and Metal Max join the replica of Lee. Skyblade then precedes to fall from the sky and crashes into the ground in front of them.
For apparently no reason, Wiki suddenly screamed, "AAH! NOT THE CUBES!" and ran away screaming with his hands over his head.
“Yo, Skyblade! Can we call you ‘Minecraft’ from now on?” Speedy snarked.
Skyblade stands up and rubs the back of his head. "I did not mention the cubes. That was all Wiki."
Wiki ran back into sight, still with his hands over his head, screaming, "NOT THE CUBES!" then comically tripped over a convenient object and was catapulted off into the distance.
“It’s no use trying to run away, Wiki,” Speedy said solemnly.
Julia laughed. "Yeah, Wiki. IT'S NO USE!!"
Wiki reappeared, glowing cyan because he had to use his psychokinetic powers. "YOU STOLE MY LINE, DUDETTES!" shouted Wiki. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE! Waaait, now I'm being too edgy. That's Lee or Skyblade's job. What do I say? Um...I finally found it! The Iblis Trigger!...I mean, the perfect counter to every argument! I mean...JUST HAVE THE STORY COMMENCE ALREADY AAAAH!"
“Skyblade, just beat up Max for us, will ya?” Speedy ordered. “WOAH! THIS GUY IS FASTER THAN MAX!!!”
"Speedy, I have not moved an inch since we got here." Skyblade replied.
“Yeah, but who cares?” Speedy asked.
"Heh heh, you think this guy is faster than me?" Max said cheekily, before running over to Skyblade and tripping.
Speedy grabbed a megaphone. “THIS GUY IS FASTER THAN MAX!”
Julia grabbed a megaphone from her pocket and shouted into it, "HEY, ALL YOU BAD GUYS!!! PREPARE TO BE ANNIHILATED!!!!!!!!"
Suddenly, the Mortal Kombat theme started playing for no reason.
“MORTAL KOMBAT!!!” Speedy yelled through her megaphone.
Skyblade nudges Max with his foot and Max goes flying into a wall.
Julia swung her Piko Hammer at another bot's head, smashing it.
Meanwhile Xoph simply watched the happenings before him.
“Welp. Max is dead,” Speedy said calmly.
You are DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! 
Julia jumped back onto the Eggmobile and tried to hit Xoph again. "Ya miss me?"
Speedy threw a comb at Xoph. “I dream of combing! Oh wait...you’re bald.”
"This is getting boring," complained Wiki. "Can we just go on to Chapter 3 already? And Xoph has hair, you know."
Xoph ducked under Julia's attack, and as he returned upright, gave her a light kiss on her cheek, hoping she'd be taken aback and fall off. He also caught the comb and started using it to straighten out his hair.
Julia was most certainly taken aback. And she fell backwards off the Eggmobile. She looked at the camera and asked, "Uh.... erm.... did... that just happen...?"
“Max is dead anyway,” Speedy told everyone. “With Max defeated, Xoph's army quickly took over. Within months, all but a few isolated areas in the world were under their control. Despite the overwhelming odds, a rag-tag resistance formed banding together to continue the fight. And now, a new face prepares to join the struggle.”
Chapter 3: We Are the Resistance!
In a beaten-up-looking base out in the middle of probably nowhere, a band of rebels who had, thirty seconds earlier, just been a bunch of heroes, stood around a mission table.
Wiki, scratching his head at how he and the others had suddenly wound up in this base when they had just been in a completely different place moments before, said, "So, um, Speedy, now that it's been months *cough* seconds *cough* since Xoph and Skyblade took over the world, you say that now we're a resistance. And now we get a new face on our side. Is there a body to go with it? Because just getting a new face would be pretty useless."
“It could be a ball!” Speedy replied.
"A what?" said Wiki in disbelief. "Look, I'm an optimist, but I'm also a realist. Max is gone, and you, Speedy...you have just lost it."
Speedy did a goofy laugh. “This guy is faster than Max!”
Julia was now wearing a different costume. It strongly resembled Dr. Nefarious' (from Ratchet and Clank) robotic armour. Minus the green dome, obviously. "Hehe... holographic disguise thingamajig malfunctioned again..." She blushed slightly, but said nothing more about it. Instead she turned to Wiki. "So... now that Speedy's gone completely bonkers... what do we do?"
"What would you do if I sang out of tune..." sang Wiki under his breath. "Um, I don't know. I think Okami is the leader. Okami, what do we do?"
Okami, or Gothic, or whatever she called herself that day, took some time to think. "Let's... consult the Magic Conch Shell about this!" Just as she was going to pull a string on a purple colored conch shell, she was hit in the head by a rubber duck for her stupidity. "Ow."
Speedy, literally going insane at this point, started singing, “Why should I be a person? Why oh why oh why? Wouldn’t it be so much better...if I could just...” She was interrupted by Wiki yelling, "Bad duck! Bad duck!" as he pulled the rubber duck away from Okami, after which he was forced to telekinetically hold off the swarm of rubber ducks that came at his own head for yelling at an inanimate object. "Okay, okay, I apologize for talking to inanimate objects," he said, causing the rubber ducks to go away. "They're the worst," he said. "So, I guess I'm coming up with the plans for this mission? Wait, weren't we going to see that new recruit first?"
Speedy started laughing again. “Silly looking eyes! You aren’t creepy at all! Hee hee hee!”
Wiki backed away from Speedy, looked creeped out. "Speedy, you are so weird. I mean, not like weird, but like, weird, weird." Wiki then promptly banged into someone whose form was not precisely clear, but was quite obviously the Custom Hero.
"Oh look, it's the Custom Hero!" said Wiki, his eyes lighting up so brightly that the Custom Hero had to shield his/her eyes. "Hey guys, look, it's the new recruit! I mean the Custom Hero! I mean...you know what I mean! Look, a thing! It's beautiful!"
“Hey, Custom Hero! How are you doing?” Speedy asked brightly. The Custom Hero just stared downward in embarrassment.
Okami walked toward the Custom Hero. "So, uh, new kid, I'm gonna automatically assign you as Max's replacement! Cool, right?"
Julia frowned and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and muttering something inaudible.
“At least, until we find out what happened to Max!” Speedy blurted. She then comedically fell over as if she was drunk.
Julia looked at the page's latest update, then at the camera. "I'll need a drink after this... wait, I'm not old enough!" She scowled. "Dammit."
A soft drink suddenly appeared before her.
Julia stared at it as though it might explode. "Well... that's... uh... convenient." She gently picked up the cup and sniffed. "Hm, root beer. My favourite!"
Speedy started pretending that she was older than she really was. “Yeah, I’m 21! I can drink!” She fell over again. “Uuuuugh. Julia? Okami? Wiki? Anyone?”
Julia looked down at her, raising an eyebrow and sipping her root beer. "What?"
“Can you help me up?” Speedy asked kindly.
"Eh, why not?" Julia grabbed Speedy's arm and pulled her of the floor.
“Thanks,” Speedy replied.
"No problem," Julia said, going back to sipping her root beer.
"So," said Wiki, "let's return to the next topic. Since the Custom Hero is Max's replacement, and since there is only a lack of hope because there's no Max, then we have hope again, right?" Suddenly, a phone rang. Wiki picked it up. "Oh look, it's Max! That must be something really important to the plot, like Max telling us that he's been in captivity for these last six months *cough* seconds *cough* or something monumental like that, so Okami, you're the leader, you get the phone." Wiki used telekinesis to float the phone over to Okami.
Okami picked up the phone. "Yeah, hello? Oh, olay," she then hung up the phone. "Guys, Max is being held captive!"
“Custom Hero, make yourself useful and go find Max!” Speedy ordered, “Or you’ll serve...” She politely nudged Wiki.
Wiki jumped. "Wait, what?" he said.
Julia frowned stupidly, having not seen Wiki get nudged. "Serve who?"
“No use,” Speedy continued. “I didn't want to steal Wiki’s line.”
"Oh," Julia said simply.
Speedy, being impatient, yelled at the Custom Hero, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” She turned to Wiki. “Now, let’s do a rap! Kaio-Ken! Times 10! Make it, break it, do it again!”
A 3D shape with 12 edges and six sides of equal area floats towards Wiki. Speedy stopped rapping.
“Ya mean a cube?” Speedy asked snarkily. Is that a real word?
Julia crossed her arms grumpily after finishing her root beer. "Looks like one."
“Okay. Just wondering,” Speedy replied.
Wiki, who was very confused from all of Speedy's randomness, had been staring intently at a crack in the floor when he looked up to see the cube floating at him. "NO! NOT THE CUBES!" he screamed. "IT'S NO USE! AAAAAH!" He then proceeded to run away screaming until he banged into the far wall of the base, causing him to fall over.
“CODE PURPLE! CODE PURPLE! WIKI FELL OVER, AND PURPLE IS VERY DEADLY!” Speedy yelled.
From his prone position on the floor, Wiki suddenly began singing, "Purple is the loneliest color that you'll ever do..." He swayed slightly from side to side as he sing.
“CODE GLOWING PURPLE! WIKI IS DRUNK!” Speedy shouted again. “Take him to the hospital!”
Wiki stood up indignantly. "I am NOT drunk!" he shouted. "I...I'm not. I am NOT DRUNK! I AM NOT DRUNK! RAAAARRRGGGHHH!" Then, he saw the cubes again. "Oh right, the cubes!" he said. "Look, this is all an illusion! Open up your eyes and tell me what you really see! You're living a lie, and that's the difference between you and me! The lie being: cake! I mean, that you think I'm drunk! I mean..." Then the grim truth sunk in. "NO! NOT THE CUBES! IT'S NO USE! AAAAAH!" he screamed. Since he was already against one wall, he ran the other way, colliding with Speedy and tripping over her, sending him cartwheeling through the air and leaving him entangled in the security camera. "Uh...a little help, Speedy?" he said.
Speedy helped Wiki up. “What did I tell you? GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” She told the Custom Hero.
Chapter 4: The First Mission
The Custom Hero, being obedient, took Speedy’s orders. He/she went to the Spaceport to see if he/she could find Max there, but had found someone other than Max. There was a random robot standing there. He/she decided to ignore it.
Meanwhile, Speedy was tinkering with a robot. Suddenly, there was a huge pool of water.
“What the heck?!” she exclaimed.
Wiki abruptly fell out of the sky and landed on the pool of water. Raising one fist triumphantly, he said, "I have vanquished this pool of water for you, Speedy!"
“Every night?” Speedy asked.
"Well, I can't say that I've ever vanquished a pool of water before," said Wiki thoughtfully, "but I certainly do do dashing things all the time, like obliterating cake and slaying donuts. Speaking of which, can I have a donut? Every single night?"
“Driving, speaking simultaneously! This should be illegal for everyone but me!” Speedy sang.
Lucent wandered into the area, her eyes (not literally) glued to a tablet. "Life readings, two of them. Definitely not robots." She looked up and almost bumped into Speedy. "Oh! Hi, Speedy, Wiki. I didn't notice you. I am slipping... No, wait. Wrong game. Sorry."
“Hmm?” Speedy asked, confused about what Lucent was referencing.
"You know, that reference sounds familiar." Skyblade said from over Speedy's shoulder.
"Well, I wasn't going to subject you to my singing, but..." Lucent bursts into song: "Tap the rhythm against the floor / To look for another door / I am slipping / To the mystery of the night..."
"I know there is an easy way," sang Wiki, singing along with Lucent, "but it is your choice anyway! / Don’t let us waste our time / In futile thinking anymore!" Wiki abruptly stopped singing and said, "And, on that cheery note, let us continue with the plot! What's next, O Team Leader? Wait...is that me?"
“Team Leader?” Speedy asked, confused.
"Yes!" said Wiki. "The person who leads the team! I thought that was Okami...Hey, Okami, are you the leader?" Wiki then began tapping his foot, waiting for Okami to respond.
“I hope Max is okay...he’s pretty insecure when he’s dead,” Speedy resented.
"Max isn't dead," said Wiki. "Also, saying 'blah blah blah, Speedy resented' is the wrong part of speech. I mean, you can resent a sentence, but that's not the same thing. Also, Okami hasn't responded in days. I think she's gone AWOL." Wiki looked thoughtful. "This group needs a new leader," he said. "I nominate me." Wiki then stifled a giggle.
“Wiki, there’s no way that someone’s going to nominate you to be leader. Not if you keep screaming ‘IT’S NO USE!’” Speedy snarked, once again. Her snark levels are rising. She’s starting to become cynical.
Wiki looked at what Speedy had just written. "Speedy, I know how snarky you're becoming," he said. "Don't try to hide it by writing it in the text. IT'S NO USE!"
“And that’s exactly why I vote for Julia to become leader instead,” Speedy replied, starting to become nasty.
"All right," said Wiki resignedly. "Wait, do we even need a leader? Can't we charge headlong into battle instead? Actually, what are we even supposed to be doing? Oh right, that's why we need a leader. Um, Julia, do you want to be the leader? We need a leader. Are you the leader? You're the leader, right?"
"I thought I was the leader." Skyblade said.
“No. You’re the enemy,” Speedy pointed out.
Julia looked at her allies, startled by the question. "Uh... sure...?"
Skyblade looked momentarily confused before nodding and teleporting away.
"Yay! We have a leader!" said Wiki. "Now, Julia, what's the plan?" Wiki straightened up, eager to hear what they would do next. He was quite bored.
"Uh..." Julia thought a moment. What plan? Was there supposed to be a plan? "Uh... check up on Custom Hero and if he/she hasn't found Max yet, send he/she to storm Eggman's stronghold? And then have he/she ANNIHILATE EGGMAN FROM THE FACE OF THIS PLANET!!! Hahaha!.... I really need to stop doing that."
(I have no idea what I'm doing... - Julia)
(It's OK - Wiki)
"Sounds good," said Wiki. "Wait, who's Eggman? Are you talking about Xoph?"
“Yeah, she means Xoph,” Speedy assured. She was sorry for acting mean to Wiki, but didn’t want to say it. Oh wait. He can read this. Dammit!
"Crap, crap, crap!" Julia shouts. She pulls out a giant megaphone and shouts into it, "CAMERAMAN!!!!!"
The cameraman opens the door to the room. "What?"
"GET ME ANOTHER ROOT BEER!! AND FIND SOME IRON SOCKS!!!!"
(You can tell love yelling...- Julia)
"Right," The camera man just walked away.
Julia looked at her subordinates. "Gotta exercise everything, y'know. That includes my vocal processors- er, cords! Bah! Anyway, let's call up Custom Hero, and see how he/she's doin'."
Speedy picked up her car phone. “Isn’t this a bad idea? He/she’s mute, ya know.” She reminded everyone.
"*****!" Julia crossed her arms and scowled. "Then let's do a video call. If he/she know's sign language, then it should work."
“Whatever you say, miss,” Speedy said.
Lucent showed up in the background to give a sense of there being more people in the world than the main characters, but didn't say anything. (Wait. Lucent doesn't talk. The Custom Hero doesn't talk. Does that mean Lucent is like the Custom Hero in other ways? Hmm. Lucent will have to ponder. First, though she will have to stop narrating about herself in the third person...)
Speedy grabbed her phone and attempted to video call the Custom Hero. “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” she said awkwardly. “It’s your friends!” She looked around. “We are your friends, right?”
The Custom Hero just shook his/her head.
“Ugh! Fine! Just eliminate Xoph and Skibblade’s forces, will ya?!” Speedy yelled, getting impatient. She kicked her phone away and yelled “BAKA! YOU’RE A BAKA, AND I’M A WEEB! GOT THAT?!”
Wiki telekinetically grabbed the phone and moved it so that others could see the screen, on which the Custom Hero was once again shaking his/her head. "Um...I think he/she doesn't know what baka means," said Wiki. "It's stupid, really. Pun not intended. Or...was it? Hahaha I'm Lavertus jknou—" Wiki continued babbling nonsensically while the Custom Hero hung up the line, looking annoyed.
“Let’s sing!” Speedy shouted randomly. “Baka, baka, baka! What is it that has been motivating you so much?”
"Um...lots of things," said Wiki, scratching his head and inadvertently dropping the phone. "Cookies...odd dance videos...carrots...oh, and mint! But I think what's really been motivating me is...AAH, A THING!" Wiki ran away screaming, then bounced off a wall and fell on Speedy.
Speedy picked up Wiki before she proceeded to facepalm. “C’mon. You do know the lyrics, right?”
"...No, not really," said Wiki. "Also, isn't there anything that we can be doing while the Custom Hero is off doing the important stuff? Maybe we can find Classic Max and coach him on how to be awesome and help save the world?"
“Where IS he?” Speedy asked.
"Being held captive," answered Wiki obediently. "Probably in the Death Egg, because that's where everyone sticks their prisoners. In...an...egg. Yuck. But it's a Death Egg, so that's better...right?" Wiki looked at the others hopefully. "Maybe he's stuck in a cooked egg? That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"
Speedy found a raw egg and cracked it. An action figure version of Max was inside. ”BUY IT NOWWWWWWWWWW! Includes a free CRACKED, RAW AND DISGUSTING EGG!” she shouted randomly.
Wiki used telekinesis to close the egg, throwing a disgusted look at Speedy. Unfortunately, his aim was somewhat off, and he accidentally threw the disgusted look at a chair, causing it to explode and launch everyone into some convenient spot for the next chapter.
A couple of months ago, in the city...
The Custom Hero was walking around this moderately sized city. He/she found some weirdos shouting “SALMON CULT! SALMON CULT! SALMON CULT!” It seems like Speedy was one of them.
"SPEEDY?!?" Wiki yelled in shock, unable to contain himself any longer. "What are you doing? You're wrecking the continuity and making yourself look just plain silly! I don't like this! Grub!"
Speedy pulled off her salmon hat. “I can do whatever I want to. It’s my roleplay. Besides, the section we’re parodying is supposed to be a flashback. So, really, you’re wrecking the continuity,” she argued.
I’m working with idiots, the Custom Hero thought to himself/herself.
"Oh, now the Custom Hero can think?" said Wiki sarcastically, reading the narration. "I thought he/she was a mute! Actually, he/she could have been a mute, but could now not be a mute any longer...or...point is, Speedy, it's not Silly Hat Week, is it?"
“Of course he/she can think! And he/she will be mute later...or we’ll just be inconsistent, just like the game this was based on,” Speedy smirked, being a “smartass”.
Wiki facepalmed, mumbling, "I have an odd obsession with touching my forehead for some reason."
Speedy started singing her Fist Bump parody. The Custom Hero just left. Suddenly he/she crossed paths with an old enemy...THE SCHOOL BULLY!
Wiki pulled his hand off of his forehead just so that he could facepalm again. "I did a stupid thing some other day," he rapped (like a monster). "I accidentally joined this roleplay. I meant to join one that was full of bliss, but I thought that was this one, I'm sick of this!"
An OC walked by. "Are you seriously referring to BTS?" she said. "That's my thing! And a parody, no less?"
"Go away, OC!" said Wiki. "This roleplay is for canon characters only! No organics—I mean OCs—allowed! Plus, when did anyone ever say what they were referring to? This is in danger of breaking the roleplay's format and making it weak! It is not weak. It...it's not. It's not weak. It is NOT weak! RRRAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!"
The OC disappeared in the confusion.
"Anyway..." said Wiki, after he calmed down, "when are we going to get back to the main roleplay's plot?"
“Now,” Speedy said calmly, “I was gonna have Skyblade come and scare the crap out of the Custom Hero, but I forgot he was on hiatus.” Before Wiki could yell at her, she quickly went to the next chapter.
Chapter 6: Space?!?!
“Uuuuuh, Custom Hero? We’re gonna have to send you to space, because that’s were Max is...apparently. Go without a helmet. I don’t care that it’s a hazard, just hurry up and gooooooo!” Speedy commanded.
"Space..." Julia declared dramatically. "it's huge..."
The Custom Hero simply nodded.
A few minutes later, the Custom Hero was in a spaceport, blasting through random ones of Xoph's robots by shooting flames out of a Burst Wispon to annihilate them.
"Uh, Lee?" Wiki could be heard saying over the Custom Hero's intercom. "The Custom Hero gets a flamethrower, but people hate it when you have one...What's going on here?"
Are you trying to start a fight? thought the Custom Hero.
"No," said Wiki. "Please turn off the intercom before anything bad happens."
Before the Custom Hero could turn off the intercom, he/she fell through the floor into a spaceship.
“YOU KILLED HIM/HER! YOU KILLED OUR ONLY HOPE!” Speedy yelled.
"I did not kill him/her!" argued Wiki. "It's not true! It's rubbish! I did not kill him/her! I did not!" Suddenly, Wiki realized that the intercom was still on. "Oh hi, Custom Hero," he said.
The Custom Hero shook his/her head, already being busy flying the spaceship to the Death Egg to save Max.
“Okay, Wikimancer. I guess I believe you...” Speedy apologized.
Meanwhile, on the Death Egg, Max was playing with a penny and a paddle. How? I dunno.
Suddenly, the Custom Hero burst in the ceiling and almost hit Max in the head with a whip from a Lightning Wispon. Despite being a mute, he/she realized that he/she could still communicate with Max with a pen and paper, so he/she quickly pulled one of each out of hammerspace and wrote to Max: "You're in danger!"
"Oh my Jimmy Johns!" Max exclaimed before reading the note. Afterwards he said, "Let's blast through this with Max-imum speed!"
The Custom Hero quickly wrote: “You have crappy puns.” Max waved him/her off and ran five meters out of his cell before tripping.
"Wait, if I could do this before, why didn't I?" Max thought.
The Custon Hero used his/her pen again. This time, he/she wrote, “Because PLOT CONVENIENCE!” Max rollled his eyes, got up, and continued to run.
(Wow, I really need to catch up. - Julia)
Meanwhile, back at base, Speedy started singing. “Even in the world of the new world and in this world we live in peace, who is who? Who started RP? Oh ... I ... ah ...” She looked around. She said in a text to speech voice, “Custom Hero, don’t forget your ID.”
The Custom Hero just shook his/her head. Speedy looked defeated. “I try to make you laugh, and yet I’m just a huge nuisance...”
"YOU ARE NOT WEAK!!!" screamed Wiki.
"I'M NOT EITHER!" Skyblade continued.
Wiki, noticing Skyblade, jumped. "Oh noes!" he said. "It is our mortal enemy Skibblade! We must annihilate him in order to win the game! ATTACK!" Wiki leapt across the room at Skyblade, missing Skyblade by about a foot, bouncing off a nearby wall, and getting entangled in a ceiling fixture.
“I’m coming for ya, Wiki!” Speedy yelled as she freed Wiki. “Die, Skibbabble! Die! Okay, maybe not die...”
Lee poked his head around the corner, wondering if it was OK for him to show up now.
“Lee! What are you doing here?!” Speedy shouted.
Lee shrugged. "I dunno when I'm supposed to come in."
“Not now!” Speedy replied. “Now go away! We’re busy!”
Lee flew away, like actually flew.
“Lee can fly?!” Speedy asked in shock.
"I'm still stuck up here in the ceiling fixture, y'know..." said Wiki.
“Wha?! I thought I freed you!” Speedy cried.
Wiki carefully read Chapter 6. "Oh right, you did!" he exclaimed. "Thanks, Speedy!" Wiki attempted to hug Speedy, but somehow phased through both her and the floor, going 450º and winding up lying on his face behind Speedy. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?" he yelled as he pulled himself up.
“How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes! There’s nowhere to run! The night goes on...” Speedy sang.
Wiki muttered, as if repeating Speedy, "Is this a spelling bee? I might like milkshakes. This isn't a gun. My name isn't John..." Then he snapped to attention and said, "Hang on, what are we supposed to do to advance the plot? We scared off Lee and Skyblade, so who do we get to do stuff? Max? The Custom Hero?"
Speedy called the Custom Hero again. “‘Ello?” She greeted.
The Custom Hero waved, looking bored.
“Why aren’t you doing your job?! And why didn’t you retweet my tweet?!” Speedy demanded. She suddenly lost signal. “Crap. I opened Skype and I can’t get it to stop.”
The Phantom Ruby sound effect plays and ice creams appeared in everyone's hands.
“I’m not stupid,” Speedy remarked.
"Ooh, ice cream!" said Wiki and promptly ate his (in one bite, like a cartoon character). He then thoughtfully chewed his ice cream.
”It’s an illusion! Open up your eyes and...” Speedy warned. “Wake up, up, up, above.” She got an email. “I gotta go now. Wiki, you’re the admin of this roleplay now. Bye!” She then immediately left.
Wiki looked shocked. "WHAT!" he yelled. "If you had set me up the bomb I would not be more shocked!" He then composed himself. "Ah well, there must be something I can do to fix this roleplay." Suddenly, an insane grin came onto his face. "You know what I'll do?" he said. "I'll do everything! Mash up all the scenes! Since all roleplay parts must end with an epic battle, and Speedy isn't here to get the crucial information that will launch us into the next part, since Xoph will inform us of that in the next scene, it's time for..."
Chapter 7: The Battle!!!
Suddenly, Max, the Custom Hero, Xoph, and Skyblade all fell out of the sky into a place that looked like a mashup of Green Hill and Mystic Jungle.
"All right everyone," said Wiki's voice over an intercom in a tree, "Max and the Custom Hero shall now fight Xoph and Skyblade if they all feel like it. Anyone else can wander by, but that's strictly non-canonical except when has this roleplay ever been canon, so sure, wander by at will. Also, Max, Classic you is supposed to appear here and attack Xoph, but I can't give him a properly flashy opening, so why don't you do that. Wiki out." The tree intercom promptly shut off.
Suddenly, Speedy came along. “Hey guys, I’m baaaaaa-” She dropped her schoolbook. “WHAT‘S GOING ON?! THIS ROLEPLAY IS SWITCHING FASTER THAN THE CHANNELS ON TV!!!”
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Wiki. "Oh, dear Speedy, can't you see? This roleplay was going along so slowly that it needed something to move it along, so I just did a little thing to move it along. MUAHAHAHAHA—"
Suddenly, another Wiki came along. "FAKER!" he yelled and punched the first Wiki, who promptly disintegrated.
"Ahem," said the one remaining Wiki. "Don't mind me. No one's supposed to know about Replicas until Act 2, when Lee tells us about them. Anyway, yeah, so since it was kind of slow, I tried to knock it along by combining the next five or so scenes. Regardless, I think there was supposed to be a battle? Xoph, Skyblade, maybe you can start whacking Max and the Custom Hero so they'll whack you back, or Max, Custom Hero, maybe one or both of you can start whacking Xoph and Skyblade so they'll whack you back?"
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!” Speedy cried.
"Uh..." Wiki looked around, trying to figure out something to do. "Oh wait!" he said suddenly. "I just remembered that anyone can play the Custom Hero! Let me try this."
Wiki closed his eyes, causing the Custom Hero to levitate into the air as the Custom Hero gave him an annoyed look.
"Oops, wrong command," said Wiki, opening his eyes and putting down the Custom Hero. "All right, what I meant to do was this!"
All of a sudden, the Custom Hero charged at Xoph and Skyblade, spewing fire out of his/her Flame Wispon.
"Yass! Finally pushed the right button," said Wiki, pumping his oversized anime fist in the air.
Speedy shook her head. “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”
"I CALL ON THE POWER OF COLOUR PALETS!" Skyblade shouts as everything turns red and starts floating.
“This is ridiculous!” Speedy cried. She started to think. She ran home and grabbed a disco ball. She turned it on. “Alright everyone! I’ll be the DJ tonight!” She announced. She started playing some music. “That should distract them,” she whispered.
Wiki started dancing, then started singing Never Gonna Give You Up, which sounded ridiculous in his Silver voice. Wiki then interrupted himself to say, "Wait, Silver doesn't exist here!" before he disappeared in a beam of cosmic heavenly light as a punishment for fourth-wall breaking, only to appear a moment later not singing or dancing, saying, "So...um...are we going to have more RP or not, and do I need to do anything to make it work?"
”DAMMIT!” Speedy yelled in frustration. She started singing It's Dark. (Which is also referenced here. OwO)
Wiki awkwardly started singing along. "I go outside, I smeel it...a mysterious cube is in the air..." A look of horror overcame his fluffy face. "NO!" he screamed. "NOT THE CUBES! ANYTHING BUT THE CUBES!" Wiki then ran offscreen yelling something that sounded like "Cheeseburgers always work tho!"
“This roleplay was sponsored by Miracle Gro!” Speedy chimed in. “TASTES GOOD, JIM! I gotta pay my bills tho...pls buy soil at Lowes.com, I’m lonely...XOPH! SING ALONG WITH MEEEEEE!”
Up until now Xoph had been experiencing horrendous lag, and was simply frozen in an A-pose where he had landed at the beginning of the chapter. However, Speedy's call to him broke him free of his poor connection, allowing his to move once more. He gasped for air, then sang in his glorious baritone-bass voice. "I go outside!" He kneeled down, placing his hand on the soil. "I touch the grass!" He scooped up some of the ground and put it in his mouth. "I eat the di--BLAHG" He spat out the dirt.
Speedy went to Twitter and went on her account she only posted on once. “Why don’t you retweet my tweet? You know that’d be real neat!”
- ↑ Kasane Teto: I'll Quit Singing (lyrics)
- ↑ Gumi: Echo (lyrics) (WARNING: The following reference contains strobe effects, so please watch with that in mind.)
- ↑ Total Distortion: You Are Dead
- ↑ "I dream of combing"
- ↑ The Lilac Saga/Pilot Season, Scene 8: The Elemental Test
- ↑ 6.0 6.1 Julian Smith: Car Phone
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 Tabitha Fair: Fly In The Freedom (lyrics)
- ↑ Justin The Dog, Protector of the Memes
- ↑ Hatsune Miku: Triple Baka (lyrics)
- ↑ BTS: Danger Parody
- ↑ The Room Scene: Oh Hai, Mark (Disclaimer: the following reference contains brief swearing. Viewer discretion is advised.)
- ↑ Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka: Ai Dee (lyrics)
- ↑ Oliver, Fukase, Kagamine Len and Utatane Piko: It’s Dark! (lyrics) (Disclaimer: the following reference contains brief swearing. Viewer discretion is advised.)
- ↑ Throw it all Away Google Translated from English to Esperanto and back
- ↑ Wikiquote's entry on Zero Wing
- ↑ X ALL the Ys on Know Your Meme (Disclaimer: the following reference contains brief swearing. Viewer discretion is advised.)
- ↑ Shadow and Silver watch Sonic Forces: Episode Shadow trailer
- ↑ Uncle Failboot Is Dead