The hilarious story of a Russian immigrant adjusting to life in the United States!


Nikolai the Hamster is a Russian soldier with a drinking problem. When the government starts going after him, he panics. Nikolai decides that he needs to emigrate from his country. However, he accidentally gets a plane ticket to the United States, and the last thing he wants is to live in a capitalist country. But it's too late to change the ticket, and he only has so much time to avoid the government. He boards a plane to New York City, where he quickly learns that things are very different than they were in Russia.

The government knows where Nikolai emigrated to, however, and they're relentless...


  • No godmodding, powerplaying, etc.
  • Swearing is fair game, but don't overdo it.
  • No highly sexual content (sex).
  • Don't go into too much detail with the gore.
  • Fourth wall breaks and references are allowed.
  • Paragraph format only.


(dont join pls this sucks)



Characters that are on Nikolai's side. They can be either heroes, anti-heroes, villains, or anti-villains; it doesn't matter, as long as they're defending Nikolai.

  • Nikolai the Hamster (Okami)
  • Lilac Wood (Speedy)
  • Platinum Foehn (Speedy)
  • Andy Wood (Speedy)
  • Lilly Granger (Speedy)
  • Roman Bellic
  • Eddie Murphy


These characters frankly don't give a damn about anyone.


These characters are on the side of the Russian government. Again, alignment doesn't matter.


roman: (calls his cousin on da phone)

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