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ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN


FOUR WORDS

Hey, all. Skullbuggy here! Some of you may not have been here to see this, but this is ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN. A classic of its time, it has been restored for all to see, for all to marvel in its glory.

This is the story of a man named Dr. REBOTNEK and his assistants, SKRATCH and GRONDER. These three men fought against the republic of Mobius, a land where singing and fun was overabundant. In his anger, REBOTNEK decided to make Mobius less happy by creating the Bean Steamer, a machine made to turn beans into robots. From there, it just gets more powerful. So sit back, relax, and stack some beans.

CHEPTER WONE

REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
SKRATCH GRONDER COME HERE
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
YES BOSS
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
DURRH WHAT IS IT
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
I HAVE MADE A BEAUTIFUL THING WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WHY OF COURSE
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
I CALL IT THE BEAN STEAMER
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
DURRH WHAT DOES IT DO
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
IT MAKES BEANS INTO ROBOTS
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
OBVIOUSLY
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WITH THIS I SHALL RID MOBIUS OF HAPPINESS FOREVER
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WHAT
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
NOW I WILL SEND MY BEST TROOPS TO GUARD THE BEAN PRISONERS SO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
GOOD THINKING DR. REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
BUAHAHAHAHA

CHEPTER TOO

ERMS.PNG
ERMS
HELLO THERE GENTLEMEN MY NAME IS ERMS
ERMS.PNG
ERMS
ERMS.PNG
ERMS
IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE LARGE ERMS
ERMS.PNG
ERMS
ERMS.PNG
ERMS
IT IS A SUBTLE JOKE YOU MAY NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD
ERMS.PNG
ERMS
I AM HERE TO PROTECT THE BEANS FROM BEING RESCUED
ERMS.PNG
ERMS
COME TO ERMS MY BEAUTIES

ONE SOUND THRASHING LATER

ERMS.PNG
ERMS
OH GOD I CANNOT WALK YOU WIN I GUESS


FRANKLIN.PNG
FRANKLIN
HELLO THERE OLD BEAN MY NAME IS FRANKLIN
FRANKLIN.PNG
FRANKLIN
DO YOU GET IT
FRANKLIN.PNG
FRANKLIN
IT IS BECAUSE I AM LIKE FRANKENSTEIN
FRANKLIN.PNG
FRANKLIN
BUT I DIGRESS I MUST STOP YOU OLD CHAP
FRANKLIN.PNG
FRANKLIN
HAVE AT YOU

AFTER A LONG WHILE OF STACKING BEANS

FRANKLIN.PNG
FRANKLIN
I WAS SO VERY VERY WRONG
HUMPDY.PNG
HUMPDY
WHY HELLO SIR I AM HUMPDY
HUMPDY.PNG
HUMPDY
IT IS LIKE THE EGG STORY
HUMPDY.PNG
HUMPDY
HUMPDY DUMPDY SAT ON A WALL
HUMPDY.PNG
HUMPDY
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT CORRECT
HUMPDY.PNG
HUMPDY
GOOD FOR NOW WE MUST FIGHT IN A BATTLE OF WITS

HUMPDY DUMPDY HAD A GREAT FALL

HUMPDY.PNG
HUMPDY
MY INSIDES ARE GOING WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T
COKONETS.PNG
COKONETS
HELLO I AM COKONETS
COKONETS.PNG
COKONETS
DR. REBOTNEK HAS TRUSTED ME WITH GUARDING THESE BEANS
COKONETS.PNG
COKONETS
YOU WILL NOT LEAVE EURASIA ALIVE

TIME SWIPE

COKONETS.PNG
COKONETS
OH JESUS CALL AN AMBULANCE

MEANWILE IN REBOTNEK'S LAB

REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE KILLED COKONETS
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
COKONETS WAS MY ONLY FRIEND
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WHAT ABOUT ME SIR
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ROOSTER TEETH
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
You don't have to be such an asshole about it.
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
NEVERTHELESS THIS IS NOT OVER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
SEND OUT THE TROOPS

CHEPTER TREE

DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
HOWDY PARDNER I AM DAVEY SPROKIT
DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
DO YOU SEE MY COONSKIN CAP SIR
DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
I AM A ROBOT DAVEY CROCKIT
DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT LATER
DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
I MUST PIONEER SOME NEW TECHNIQUES


ONE LOUISIANA PURCHASE-SIZED BEATING LATER

DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
MY LEFT LUNG SEEMS TO HAVE FOUND NEW FRONTIER
DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG
DAVEY SPROKIT
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT FIELD
PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
HOLY HELL WHAT AM I
PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
I HAVE A PIG NOSE AND TWO WHEELS
PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
I AM AN ABOMINATION
PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY

STACK SOME BEANS

PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT
PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
ALL YOU DID WAS STACK SOME BEANS
PIGWHEEL.PNG
PIGWHEEL
WHY AM I STILL ALIVE
DINAMIGHT.PNG
DINAMIGHT
HELLO SIR MY NAME IS

AND THEN HE EXPLODED BECAUSE HE IS DYNAMITE

GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
DURRRH I AM GRONDER
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
YOU WONT GET PAST ME SIR

ONE FREESTYLE RAP BATTLE LATER

GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE
GRONDER.PNG
GRONDER
THE BLOOD IS POOLING AROUND ME AS I SPEAK

BACK AT REBOTNEKS HOWSE

REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
GRONDER WAS JUST MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD SKRATCH
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WHAT A WAY TO GO HUH DR. REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
BUT THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE END
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SIR
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WE HAVE MORE IN STORE
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
READY WAVE THREE
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS

CHEPTER FOR

PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
YO YO YO WHAT UP
PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
I FORGOT MY NAME
PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
BUT WHATEVER
PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
LET'S BATTLE YO

ONE EXTREME MACRAME COMPETITION LATER

PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
BOY I GOT SCHOOLED
PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
PLOCK.PNG
PLOCK
IT HURTS VERY BADLY
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
DOMO ARIGATO
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
MY NAME IS SIR F-FUZZY LOGIK
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
HOLY HELL IS THAT MY REAL NAME
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
GODDAMN
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
WHATEVER I AM A SAMURAI
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
I WILL BEAT YOU

豆の積み重ね

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
I HAVE FAILED
ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG
WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME
I AM COMING, ANCESTORS
DARGONBREATH.PNG
DARGONBREATH
A AAAAAAA AAA

AAA AA A AAAAA

DARGONBREATH.PNG
DARGONBREATH
AAA AAAAAA AA AAAAAAAAAA

CUT: REBOTNEK'S LAB, INT., DAY

REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT POPCORN SKRATCH
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTH
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU MUTANT
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
THATS BETTER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
THEY ARE GETTING CLOSER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WE MUST DEFEND OURSELVES SKRATCH
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WE MUST READY OURSELVES FOR THE FINAL BATTLE

CHEPTER FIFE

SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
SIR I SHALL GO AND STOP THE INTRUDER
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
COMMENDABLE SKRATCH
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
MAKE DADDY PROUD
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
THAT'S RIGHT
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
COME AND GET SOME

"Fine... I will."

SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WHAT
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
WAAAAUUGH STOP STABBING ME
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
GYAAAAARGH
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
AAAAARGH
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
GYAAAAAH
SKRATCH.PNG
SKRATCH
AAAH

SKRATCH DIED

"Heh... what a pushover."

REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
SKRATCH HAVE YOU DISPOSED OF THE INTRU
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
SKRATCH NO
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WHO DID THIS TO YOU SKRATCH
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"I did."
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"I have no name. Some people call me... Solid Snake."
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
I DONT GIVE A CRAP
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Whatever the case, I'm here to stop you, Robotnik... or should I say... brother?"
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
EXCUSE ME
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"You don't know, do you?"
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
OF COURSE NOT JUST TELL ME
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Dr. Robotnik, you and I were part of a project. A project called..."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Las Habas Terribles."
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
LAS HABAS TERRIBLES
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Las Habas Terribles."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"It was a government project to create the perfect super soldier."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"The project spawned two children. One had the flawed genes, and one had the perfect genes."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"You... you were the perfect one."
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
OH REALLY
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Yes. You were to be mass-produced in order to create an army of super soldiers..."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"... who can consist on nothing but baked beans."
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"I'm here to stop you from becoming mass-produced. I'm here..."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"... to save you."
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Do you want to be saved, Dr.? Do you?"
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
YES BROTHER
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Alright, then..."

{click}

SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Any last words, Dr.?"
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
REBOTNEK.PNG
REBOTNEK
I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG
SNAKE.PNG
SNAKE
"Goodnight... Dr. Robotnik."

{BOOM.}




you say you want an explanation

I played Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine very recently. Though I did, honestly, really like the game, the story was unbelievably stupid. In a burst of inspiration, I decided to make a story about it in all caps.

Eventually I was plagued with the decision of how to end it. Naturally, I gave it the MGS ending. So that explains a lot, huh?

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