Hey, so, I was wondering... do you have any suggestions for developing Azrail further? I really don't want him to end up becoming a one-note character, because rereading his page... he seems a little too angsty (that's the problem with loving lots of angst). If you have any thoughts, please feel free to suggest them.
Sure thing. First, you need to give him some contradictions, as well as both flaws and virtues to his personality in order to balance it out without being too complicated. Then, you need to give him both strengths and weaknesses in not only his personality, but in his abilities in order to make more realistic and relatable, but don't give him too much of one or the other as it would make him either too perfect or too unlikeable. Next, you need to give him an interesting backstory. I'm not very good with backstories, but you can look at some of your favorite backstories from any of your favorite characters in or outside of the wiki. And finally, you need to have a good idea of who he is in order to fill out his likes, dislikes, hobbies, talents, fears, future adventures, etc. I hope this helps and sorry if I being too demanding.
I read Sonic Overload. Bellow are some thoughts and suggestions I have.
The story is very difficult to read because it is writen in some kind of script format that resembles theatre scripts. If it wasn;t for the small overview of the plot I wouldn't have been able to understand anything. I would recomend you wrote a synopsis of the story instead, or, if you want to get more specific, a treatment (which is basically the entire story, written in detail, while retaining the game's look and feel). Scripts are not useful unless you are a director, actor or an editor and about to film it.
Furthermore, I find it impossible and impractical to have a game with so many characters and different stories. I believe this distracts you from the overall story of the game and makes the experience tiring. I would suggest you put story first, characters second. All elements should serve the story and the story needs to be clear to the reader/viewer/player. Unfortunately, this is not the case with Sonic Overload. Why not put the characters in teams like in Sonic Heroes and have team stories? Still, I believe you should eliminate at least half of your characters since they don't seem to be doing much other than exist for fan service. I also don't understand what Sid is. I thought he was an ant but I visited his page and got confused.
In terms of plot, the story seems basic and predictable to me. Ominous did not seem really threatening and I could tell from the overview than he was going to be beaten easily in final battle between Sonic and Sid. Him partnering up with Eggman is something I've already seen recently in Sonic Forces. Again, the story is fragmented and impossible to keep track of because of your too many characters and subplots. With a synopsis, it would be easier to get an overview of the story and revise your drafts.
The way you have structured the story affects the remaining features such as levels, bosses, gameplay and modes. Although I feel they are too much for a game, they are well written, specific and easy to understand. The levels seemed repetitive to me because I've seen them in Sonic games again and again. Why not introduce us to new worlds and levels? The boss and level pages are not complete as I saw, so I can't comment on anything else.
The page layout is nice and I admire your dedication. You have written about the production, upgrades, controls, trailer, music and DLC, which makes the page look more serious. Small things like these personally make me appreciate someone's work. Just make sure you fix the templates at the beginning of the page. You need only one. Two makes it confusing and is unecessary. You might want to change the platforms since the Wii is discontinued.
Overall, I believe your story needs a lot of work because a game on paper is pitched on story and gameplay. Since your story is presented in such a fragmented way, I could not understand your vision of the game e.g. how it looks, how it feels, the atmosphere etc. Personally, I put a lot of emphasis on story and it helps me understand what the creator imagines. This is mostly absent in your game, although the page layout and information you've added indicates that there is a lot of room for self-improvement.
While I do like the design and you have put a lot of thought into it, and I don't mean to be mean or ungrateful, I'm sorry to point out that Ominous is supposed to have light blue eyes instead of purple. Sorry if I made you upset, but thanks for the design you showed me and keep up the great work.
Heroic412229 wrote: While I do like the design and you have put a lot of thought into it, and I don't mean to be mean or ungrateful, I'm sorry to point out that Ominous is supposed to have light blue eyes instead of purple. Sorry if I made you upset, but thanks for the design you showed me and keep up the great work.
Can make the eye blue and keep the rest of the same?
And you don't need to make a moveset. For example, instead of saying "Sid used Super Punch!" you could say "Sid charged his fist with ergokinetic energy, causing it to bulk up and he charged at the opponent, trying to hit their [insert place here]."
Hey, Max. I saw your Bloodied Hands Arena version of White vs Sid and I do like it, but I just one question. Do I create the introduction for Sid on the Arena myself; do you create it, or do we both create it? I'm not trying to put too much pressure on you, but I just need to know. Sorry about that and thanks for replying back if you have to chance to.
It's okay, Speedy. I was the one who made Sid into a minor character. The only reason I did it was because I thought that nobody would like him after Sonic Overload. So I'm begging you, Max. Don't blame Speedy for something I did. If it's okay with both of you, I'll take Sid out of the roleplay entirely. It's not your fault, Speedy.