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Be aware that the following fanfiction is just a parody. Most of the characters are SUPPOSED to be as unlikeable as possible, as most characters in most horror movies are boring or unlikeable. Sometimes even both. So please, don’t take this TOO seriously.

Chapter 1: All Stories Must Start Out Cheerful

And when they’re cheerful, you know something HORRIBLE is going to happen! That’s the way this world works! I love living in this world! It’s always so happy, but crap always happens! I ran around my backyard, singing about all the crap that can happen in this world in a cheery tune!

Suddenly, it started to rain. I stayed outside. I LOVE rain! I shouted very loudly, “I LOVE RAIIIIIIIIN!My twin sister came outside, only to tell me to come inside. I refused. She pulled me by the arm to come inside. That just means she loves me! And I love her, too!

“You’re so great!” I told her.

“Thanks,” she said in a rather mean tone. That just means she’s hiding the fact that she loves me!

“Show more excitement!” I shouted. She just shook her head. God, I hate it when she ignores my suggestions. “Our birthday is in a few days! We’re going to have a big party, with lots of guests! And they’re all going to die!”

“We’re going to die too, right?” She asked.

“No. You are not going to die, and neither am I,” I assured her. The guests will never know what the party brings...

Chapter 2: Signing the Guestbook

I was reading through my mail. It was mostly junk. And junk. And more junk. But there was one thing that wasn’t a piece of shit. It was an invite to a birthday party! It was from a girl I didn’t know, however. Hijōshikina. I don’t recognize that name. All I know is that her name literally means “Insane”. I feel bad for her. Why the hell would her parents name her that, of all things? Or maybe it’s a nickname, because she’s insane...ly awesome! I grabbed a pen and signed as quickly as possible. A gray hedgehog looked over me.

“Are you sure you want to go to this party? You don’t know this girl, and that could be dangerous!” He mumble-shouted.

“Shut up, Shizuka. This sounds fun! You’re just so boring and gray all the time,” I replied. “You’re coming with me!” I started to tug his arm.

“Stop!” He cried. “Please stop, this is painful!”

I stopped. I ran over to my friend, Shisōka. “Did you get a party invite?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” she replied. “I don’t know if I wanna go...”

“Well, I wanna go!” Shizuka’s little sister cried in excitement.

“That’s the spirit!” I cried.

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