Thread:Williamcost/@comment-1981371-20160307192304

 Okay as I promised I will give you my review of the story of the Blue Blur.

 I will start with the things I liked about it.

 The story was very action-packed, thrilling, exhilirating and always on the run. All the characters were there, numerous villains were present each with their own role and abilities. The character interactions i found them very good, for example Tails' and Shadow's quarrel etc, or Cream and Big’s birthday party. The story took place in many different locations, which i liked. What I really liked were the names you came up with (Satio, Morpolia, Malusor, Earth 3, Odjin etc). The backstory of Argo and the hedgehogs was interesting. My favourite scene in the entire story was at the pub with Captain Whisker, I think you portrayed him very well. I loved the music, you have excellent taste in music.

 Now for the things I think need some attention.

 The story overall was too long, especially for a game. I felt that at some point while reading the story, I got lost or somehow confused as to how characters got from one scene to another, or what they were doing before that etc, given the huge cast. I think that if it were to be a game, the story should be shorter. Also, there is a huge amount of stages and I believe that some of them are played twice or three times, especially some Bosses (like Argo towards the end), which for me would be repetitive.

 Another thing I noticed while reading the story was that it is written in too much detail. Each paragraph is exceedingly long and takes too long to read. This also makes you prone to more spelling mistakes. I recommend your paragraphs to be shorter because it will be faster for both you to write them and the reader to read it, as well as more understandable, though that depends on you. Plus I think that if people see shorter paragraphs they might be tempted easier to read it. In addition, you repeated many time phrases, most notably the phrase “that he is nothing”, especially towards the end.

 Some characters are playable in only one stage, which I feel makes the playable roster kind of unstable. Like Nazo, who is playable only in the Realms and is then fought as a Boss, though I still agree he should be a playable character but perhaps an unlockable one. The same goes for Egg Robo and Egg Pro in Sky Battle, Locke in the Memory and for them robots in the final battle with Algorgian. Some elements in the story, like Algorgian’s actions on the earth and the hedgehog’s backstory, while actually quite good, I think personally could have been explored more deeply. Finally, some scenes are very similar to Rise of the Heroes.

 So yeah, that’s all from me. Overall, I found the story being at a very good level but with some flaws. I believe that if you follow some of my advices above, anyones you like, it will make your stories even better and easier to read. I may bite or make some mistakes myself, but I bite those who I want to correct and become better.  