User blog comment:Detective SkullWolf/Character Critique Requests/@comment-7637833-20140304182114/@comment-27765057-20140319201643

For this review, I will be looking at Deadline and Lockdown simultaneously.

Appearance –

Both: I find it weird that their appearances are written in different ways. For example, in Lockdown’s appearance section his height is compared to Sonic’s height. This does not occur in Deadline’s appearance section. Also, Deadline has his own paragraph describing his weapon, while Lockdown has his weapons talked about with his attire. I feel that I am nitpicking here, though.

Personality –

Both: These two seem to contrast each other quite a bit. This could often lead to funny situations, so I suppose this works well (if that is what you were going for, that is). Personally, I think Lockdown has the more developed personality out of the two. While Deadline could simply be summed up as “a sarcastic loner” (which is a bit expected from a sniper), Lockdown is much more in-depth.

History –

Deadline:  There really is not much to talk about here. It sort of just skips to the part where he meets his partner. I feel that you could have talked more about Deadline’s history. Maybe his past life, how he joined up with GUN, where he learned to use a sniper rifle, etc. You could also talk about his and Lockdown’s first mission together (and have it been a total failure due to Lockdown) and why Deadline starts to respect Lockdown (maybe he saved his life during a mission).

Lockdown: This is just as short of a backstory as Deadline’s. However, you did do better here by talking (although very briefly) about Lockdown’s life before joining GUN. I think an interesting thing to add to this story would be the fact that Lockdown getting partnered up with Deadline was actually a mistake (that Lockdown potentially caused).

Conclusion –

Both: I think that both of these guys could use some more writing in their backstories. Out of the two, I prefer Lockdown for his better backstory and more fleshed-out personality. Deadline gets a roll of duck tape out of ten, while Lockdown gets a Betsy out of ten.