Talk:Love Is Overrated

....Hi. The title of this fanfic and the fact that it's romantic intrigued me so I read it since I'm a sucker for romance. Overall, it could be really great but after reading it, I thought that there are a few things that you could work on. This is kind of a mini-review that I'm typing right quick since the story definately works but I see merit in it.

For starters, as is, the fanfic is very short. I know that the story is nineteen chapters long (pretty whopping for a Sonic Fanon Wiki fanfic) but even then it will still be short due to the individual chapters being so small. I understand that it's ultimately your story and not everything needs to be a behemoth doorstopper but the way your story is, well, it certainly leaves a lot to be desired. I'm interested in the story and feel that it's lacking a bit, just imagine someone who didn't really care, they wouldn't even read it and they'd miss out on the story! In case you don't know, by lacking I just mean there's a lot of things I want to know. You could elaborate a bit more on the events. One way to do this is maybe by taking away some of the time markers and showing us what the couples are doing. EX: Instead of saying "a few minutes later", you could tell us what the two did in that time. I read the fanfic in about a minute and felt pretty underwhelmed though still a tad bit interested. Fleshing out your story more by making it longer can go a long way, believe me. Compare this to ''this. ''Do you see what I mean? Which one did you think was better?

Continuing on the theme of not being very fleshed out, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!? No seriously, who are they? I really want to know. You should have seen my face during the first chapter. I had to reread to make sure I didn't miss anything. I was bombarded to be honest :P What I mean is, I think it would help if you gave a bit of background to the characters you're introducing. Anyway you find appropriate will work fine I'm sure. It's just that you speak as if we're supposed to know them and I don't really know how to care about them if you don't tell me about them. Now, if you so choose you can always opt to go for a more "show, don't tell" approach by revealing things about the character through them talking to eachother but you didn't do that either. Like I said, any way will work, it's just that I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about these guys.

One thing you should do is describe things more. I really have no idea where I am, I could be in a white void with a bunch of anthromorphic animals conversing with eachtother 0_0. Granted, I instinctively connected the dots and imagined them in my own locations but those locations probably weren't what you imagined. I know the merits of the imagination but you have to give us something. Just give a general idea of where they are and work from there. Use your senses as a basis, describe the things in the area (trees, water, children running, etc), how the area looked (time of day for example), how certain things felt, how it smelled and (if applicable) how things tasted. A lot of the story seemed to lack substance because I didn't know how the characters were feeling. People kissed! You could physically describe it in great detail or at the very least, show how the characters felt during and after. This is another way you could make the story a smidge longer.

Spelling and grammar wasn't a big issue. Your grammar is better than a lot but there were a few problems, like you using numbers instead of spelling it out but nothing was really that bad.

I admit, the texting parts give your story a bit of flare. Formatting wise, you need to make a few more paragraphs because it was hard to follow at times, the dialogue being clumped together and all.

Overall, I thought the story was off to a great start and liked the little characterization I got, it honestly made me smile a bit. I think you need a lot to work on but I know this story can be fantastic and I want to see it finished. ^^

Reply if you have any questions or comments and we can discuss the story.

Here's my unfinished fanfic if you care to read: Krinkinko the Hedgehog's Story.

......... (talk) 23:01, April 14, 2015 (UTC)