User:Fairfieldfencer/Sonic Meets Artemis Fowl

Sonic Meets Artemis Fowl, or Artemis Fowl: The Future Chase, is a Sonic and Artemis Fowl fan-fic about Artemis Fowl in the Sonic universe. Copyright owned by SEGA, Sonic Team, Eoin Colfer, Puffin books, 4Kids Entertainment, Archie and Dic.

In the early years of the 21st century, teenage criminal mastermind Artemis Fowl is off on another daring mission to find one of the greatest enemies of the fairy people. With help from a close companion, this threat travels into the future where she uses her magic to be protected by newlyweds Princess Sally Acorn and Sonic the Hedgehog. With only three days to complete their mission, Artemis and his team of heroes are going to have to work fast to bring this criminal to justice and return with her back to the past. But what does she want that can only be found in the future? And why enlist the help of the heroic Mobians residing in New Mobotropolis? Read on to find the answers...

Author: Fair field fencer F F F

Prologue
Through the thousands of years the fairy people have lived and strived in the underground of Earth, many events and individuals have threatened to wipe them out of existence. Among those who stand out are Artemis Fowl, Irish millionaire and criminal mastermind, and Opal Koboi, a once genius pixie with an IQ of over three hundred.

Artemis has since been dropped as an enemy of the People, and has become a valuable ally since he first met Captain Holly Short of the LEPrecon unit. Opal Koboi, on the other hand, has remained a constant threat to her fellow fairies.

During her lifetime, the pixie with the golden touch founded her own company known as Koboi Laboratories and used her wealth to fund a goblin rebellion for the B'wa Kell. After that failed, she escaped arrest for a short time and managed to trap and kill the youngest commander in LEPrecon history and blamed Captain Holly Short for it. It was later revealed that five years before this, she had captured rare animals by mesmerizing the leader of the Exstinctionists known as Damon Kronski to further her magical power by extracting their naturally magical fluids and injecting them into herself.

This particular tale tells the story of how she managed to travel far into the future after she escaped imprisonment with the help of a close friend of hers. One so close to her, in fact, that you'd think them one in the same...

Double Trouble
SPECIALLY CONSTRUCTED ISOLATION PRISON CUBE, MAXIMUM SECURITY PENITENTIARY, ATLANTIS, THE LOWER ELEMENTS

Opal Koboi was making yet another plea to shorten her sentence in her cell by writing a letter to a member of the Fairy Council. She was very displeased with her last attempt when Wing Commander Vinyáya had said she would release her, but it turned out to be a wicked trick. She had added her name to her vengeance list, which was just a bunch of names on a yellow piece of paper she had taken from the human world before her capture. There were several names on the list, with only one crossed out. That name was 'Julius Root'. The one person Opal had actually managed to get her vengeance on. But he would be far from the last if she had anything to say about it.

For the past three years she had been writing plea after plea to various members of the Council. During that time in between writing letters, she had been thinking, forever thinking. Thinking about how she could escape. Thinking about new plans and schemes for when she was out. Thinking about new machines and technology that could regain her wealth and power. And most importantly, thinking about her enemies and how she would exact her revenge on them.

The members of the Council would be sure to go. Especially that Vinyáya. Then there was the technical genius, Foaly. Her school rival. She would have him dipped in the molten metal of his own creations. Then there was the dwarf called Mulch Diggums, who had helped in toppling two of her plans for world conquest. She often fantasised of tying him up in Death Valley and watching his body fry in the sun. Then there was that Holly Short with her pretty features that paled in comparison to Opal's own beauty. Oh how she loved the thought of her being thrown into a boiling pool of lava and watching her sink beneath the molten rock. And above all, that meddlesome Mud Boy, Artemis Fowl. He was the main factor in her plans failing. Opal could not even imagine a fate horrible enough to justify the human's interference in her grand plans.

Opal finished her letter and yawned. She was tired of being in this cell. The only contact from the outside world she had was when the prison guards informed her that it was time for her daily meals through an old fashioned intercom. Opal reasoned that they must have spent so much money on the cell itself that they only had enough left for the intercom instead of one of the more high-tech communicators. She went over to her rather uncomfortable bed attached to the side of the cell. On the wall the bed was next to were drawings of sea horses painted in pink, strawberry-flavoured toothpaste. Then, just as Opal layed down her head on the cheap pillow, a feminine voice came through the intercom on the cell's wall.

'Hello?' said the voice. It was strangely familiar to Opal. She could remember hearing it before, but could not attach a face to the voice.

'Hello?' said the voice again. 'Opal Koboi? Can you hear me?'

'Yes?' said Opal, her face barely a centimetre from her pillow so as to avoid the security cameras. 'Who are you?'

'That can wait. I have hacked into the mainframe here to contact you. I've got an ingenious plan to help you escape from here. And you won't have to do a thing in return.'

Opal almost laughed at this. 'Let us not be reticent. What do you want from me?'

'Nothing,' said the voice cooly.

'And you honestly expect me to believe that? It doesn't take a genius such as I to know nothing in the world is free.'

'Oh, but by freeing you from imprisonment, I myself am earning a great deal. So listen carefully, Miss Koboi. Here is the plan that will set you free and allow you to start a new life.'

Opal listened intently to the voice. Her plan was great, evil and sneaky, with just a touch of vengeance as well. Opal smiled when the voice finished telling her the plan. This girl was so evil, that they could have been related.

FOWL MANOR, IRELAND

Fowl Manor has served as the estate and home of the Fowl family for the past six centuries since it was first known as Fowl Castle. It has been remodeled and refurbished several times in its existence until it became a stately manor. It currently housed five Fowls as the moment and one bodyguard who could easily count for three of them.

One of these Fowls currently sat in his study facing a computer screen with his designer jacket over his chair, and his midnight onyx tie hanging loosely around his neck.

Artemis Fowl II had been racking his significantly large brain ever since he had returned from a trip eight years into the past three months earlier. That excursion had been to save Artemis's mother, Angeline, who had apparently been infected with a new kind of disease. It had turned out, however, that going back into the past had caused the disease by creating a time paradox. When Artemis and Captain Holly Short of the LEPrecon unit had returned from the past through a time stream, they had brought with them the past version of Opal Koboi, the LEP's most wanted fairy.

Artemis and Holly had dealt with her twice before, but never with the powers she had given herself. They had barely made it out alive. Opal's new powers included an extreme version of the fairy mesmer, that allowed her to completely control a person's body, and she had done just that to Angeline Fowl to give her the aforementioned illness.

Once Opal's trip to the present had been revealed, she had stolen Holly's standard issue LEPrecon suit, which had highly advanced technology woven into it. Opal Koboi was now using this technology to evade the LEP.

Foaly was possibly the only person working harder on this catastrophe than Artemis. He was the LEP's technical consultant and the main reason the humans had not discovered the existence of fairies. Despite all his genius and efforts, Foaly felt at a loss just as Artemis did. Opal had managed to steal the centaur's own inventions installed in Holly's LEPrecon suit, and was using it to avoid detection from the Foaly and every other officer under the world.

OPERATIONS' BOOTH, POLICE PLAZA, HAVEN, THE LOWER ELEMENTS

Haven's Police Plaza for the Lower Elements Police was currently on full alert. After Artemis Fowl and Captain Holly Short he had returned from their trip eight years into the past three months earlier, they had brought with them the past version of Opal Koboi, the LEP's most wanted fairy.

Foaly packed up his gear, stowed away his tinfoil hat that hid his brain waves from prying human intelligence agencies, headed out of the Operations' booth of Police Plaza and made his way to his personally made Hover Car.

Previously, fairies had traveled around in cars powered by magnastrips on the roads of Haven. The cars had thin pieces of metal built into the bottom, which allowed them to be pulled along by the magnetic strips to get the drivers to their destination.

But Foaly, as usual, had come up with an even more efficient way of getting around that used less energy. Using electromagnets built into the bottom of the new MagnaCars, Foaly was able to make to them fly in the air by reversing the polarity of the magnastrips lying on the roads of Haven so they both were on the same frequency, making them repel each other. Foaly then added a nuclear engine that allowed the MagnaCars to be moved forwards and backwards and allowed them to be turned. The newer models with retractable roofs were constantly being snatched up by fairy jocks, though this was not a very sensible option. Because the magnets were extremely sensitive due to their power, goblins had been leaving tiny magnets on the roads so as to upset the magnetic fields and make many a said jock get thrown out of their cars.

Foaly walked out of Police Plaza to the parking lot where he had left his fine invention, only to find the hood of it opened with missing engine parts. Someone had somehow managed to bypass the finger print activated start button for the car and had opened up the hood and stole some of the more essential engine parts. No doubt to sell them on the black market for a fine price.

Foaly stowed his shocked surprise and sighed at the sight of his beloved invention and walked over to get a closer look. Burn marks surrounded a melted hole where the finger print scanner had once been. The only answer Foaly's intellectual brain could think of was that goblins had somehow burned through the finger print scanner, and then hot-wired the car to open the hood. But that was impossible. Goblins barely had enough brain power to light a Glow Cube. Hot-wiring a MagnaCar was way beyond their intellectual capacity.

Foaly took a look around to see if any of the goblins might still be around, but he instead saw a free taxi driving nearby.

'Taxi! Taxi!' Foaly yelled out.

The cab pulled out to the side-walk and Foaly got in. He hated having to take taxis, or any car that had not been personally designed for a centaur. There wasn't any room for him to sit down, so he could only lean against the seats with both seat-belts strapped around him to keep his large horse body secure. One time he had to share a taxi with a dwarf who was coming home from a busy day in the tunnels and had forgot to release the air he swallowed while eating through all the clay in the mines. The taxi had flown over a magnet on the road, and Foaly had bumped into the dwarf's stomach. It had taken Foaly a month to get the smell out of his lab coat, and the taxi driver several months before he could get another customer.

Foaly fastened the two seatbelts around his front and hindquarters, tried to get in the most comfortable position possible for him and then told the driver where he wanted to go.

'I swear things are getting worse around here,' said Foaly, making conversation with the taxi driver. Although her face was hidden, Foaly could tell the driver was a girl by the long hair sticking out of the back of her baseball cap and feminine hands on the wheel.

'Goblins have even worked up the nerve to steal car parts not two miles from Police Plaza,' continued Foaly. 'And they're getting smarter, if you can believe that.'

'Things can only get better and improve,' said the taxi driver. 'Look around! Who would have thought eight years ago that Haven would have such wonderful mechanisms and gadgets like there are today?'

'Oh, they are wonderful. I designed most of them. Pure genius. The Council should really be giving me a better budget for-' Foaly stopped mid-sentence after realising something. 'Eight years? Pretty odd number. People usually say ten or five. But you said eight. Something important for you happen eight years ago?'

'You never miss a trick, do you, Foaly?' said the taxi driver, and turned around to show her face. The face of the past Opal Koboi.

'Opal!?' exclaimed Foaly. 'What are you doing driving a cab? Insane-genius-bent-on-world-domination not paying the bills?'

Opal let out a shrill laugh like a harpy at the joke. 'You always did have a sharp wit about you, Foaly.'

While Opal was talking, Foaly was trying to open the door, but it was locked and the windows couldn't be wound down.

'Like my little taxi, Foaly? I modified it just for you,' said Opal in a dreamy little girl voice.

'Well if that's true, then you could have at least put in more comfortable seats,' said Foaly.

'Oh, but they are comfortable. Why, you could sleep like a baby on them,' said Opal, and pressed a button on a hidden control panel. A window came up from behind her seat, cutting off all access to the passenger section. Hidden gas pipes were then activated and a special knockout gas that, while non-lethal, would leave Foaly in a coma-like state for several weeks was emitted.

'Nighty night,' said Opal. Once the centaur had been knocked out cold, Opal dragged him from the taxi and dumped him on a side-walk, which was no small effort as the centaur weighed over twice her own weight.

'Phase One complete. Now on to Phase Two,' said Opal with a devious smile on her face as she drove off.

Back To The Past, Off To The Future
Foaly had been found not too long afterward by a couple of passing gnomes and was immediately sent to hospital. The medical warlocks there determined that he had somehow gone into a deep coma and would be back round again in the next few weeks. But a few weeks was too late.

Someone had managed to penetrate Haven's virtual defences and was running havoc on all things electronic. Mobile phones began ringing at all times and when you answered them you were greeted by some rather unpleasant noises that were usually issued by dwarfs. ATM machines kept spitting out Monopoly money instead of genuine currency. And the less said about Haven's plumbing system the better. But if you really must know, let's just say geysers have been spotted in people's water closets at rather inconvenient times. One unfortunate elf had been answering Mother Nature's call while reading the paper and shot straight through the roof when Old Faithful suddenly erupted from his bathroom's waterworks.

It was only time before more of the essential systems were hit, like the ones making sure that the Mud Men could not detect Haven and come down to exploit its resources.

The Fairy Council were desperately seeking a way to restore order in their city and bring calm back to the People. They had always depended on Foaly during times of technical crisis, and the centaur constantly boasted that he was the only one that kept Haven running, and they hadn't realised just how much truth there was to that until now.

Reasoning that desperate times called for desperate measures, the Council voted to make a deal with the only other person under the world who could help them, Opal Koboi. In exchange for restoring the city to normal, they would lift 200 years off her sentence.

Many of the Council members objected to this, but they quickly realised that they had no other option. So Opal would be lead from her prison to Haven's Operations' Booth to fix the mess by a team of the highest ranking LEP officers there were. One of which had all too many encounters with Opal Koboi in the past...

MAXIMUM SECURITY PENITENTIARY, ATLANTIS

Captain Holly Short walked alongside the new members of LEPretreival One while Wing Commander Vinyáya lead the group towards Opal's specially constructed isolation prison cube.

Many of the previous members of LEPretrieval One had been promoted to cushy desk jobs in the three years Holly had been away in Limbo, but there were one or two faces she recognised. Obviously, these fairies believed that they were not ready for desk jobs just yet, or possibly they loved the excitement of dangerous missions when above ground too much. Holly knew about being in that position.

Three years ago she was up for the rank of major, the career turnaround of the century as she had previously been the only fairy in recon history to have two simultaneous Internal Affairs investigations. For a while Holly intended on refusing the position, but her late superior Commander Julius Root, who had opted for her promotion, told her the same words his commander had told him, that this position as a major was not for her, but it was for the People. Holly then changed her mind about it and intended to accept the position, but then Opal Koboi escaped from the Argon Clinic and had the commander killed, and framed Holly for his murder and she quit once a new commander had been appointed to try and do good without the acorn lapels on her chest.

Then when she and Artemis Fowl had saved the demons on Hybras and Trouble Kelp was made commander during her three year leave, she rejoined the LEP. Then she went and broke a few major rules by going back in time to save Angeline Fowl from what appeared to be Spelltropy, but it turned out it was an Opal Koboi from eight years ago mimicking Spelltropy, who had used the fluids of magical and endangered animals to increase her powers. When Opal had learned of the time portal Artemis and Holly had used, she followed them back to the present and escaped arrest and being returned to her own time by the LEP.

Holly was then punished for this by receiving LEPtraffic duty for two weeks. It was supposed to be three months, but with another Opal on the loose, the LEP needed every available officer to help on the manhunt for her.

She couldn't believe the Council was actually willing to shorten her sentence, though, truth be told, it was logical. But just because it was logical didn't mean she thought it the best of choices.

The maximum security penitentiary was roughly as high-tech and security prone as Section 8 Headquarters had been on Holly's first visit. Foaly had personally constructed this wing and had updated it since the past Opal's escape.

As they walked along, security cameras and devices took pictures of all members of the group and their identities were confirmed at least fifty times before they made it to the end of the hall.

Wing Commander Vinyáya pressed her hand against a plate of liquid metal that Holly recognised as flux metal: Metal saturated with nano-sensors. The nano-sensors would read through everything from Wing Commander Vinyáya's handprint to DNA. It was so high-tech that even is someone cut off the hand of someone who had access to Opal's cell and used it, the flux metal would detect a lack of pulse and fail to allow that person entry.

Opal's prison cube had been made by Foaly and Altantis's top mechanics, technicians and engineers. The cube was air-tight as it was surrounded by 600,000 gallons of water, which was roughly the same amount used in Olympic swimming pools. The cell had been given an air supply through a large air tank directly opposite the cube's airtight access tunnel. Pipes attached to the cell had been deemed too risky as pixies were nimble creatures and could possibly squeeze through large enough pipes, and they weren't taking any chances with Opal, so the idea of air pipes had been dropped altogether.

Wing Commander Vinyáya placed her hand on another flux metal scanner attached to a titanium door that separated the cube from the access tunnel made entirely of glass and steel.

Opal sat there writing out another letter and was surrounded by seahorse figurines fashioned from chewed cardboard. Two of them appeared to be broken as one lost a tail and the other had been decapitated.

Opal's appearance had changed slightly in her three years' imprisonment. The usual height of a fairy was just over three metres, but Opal had been under that height when she was arrested. But thanks to the artificial pituitary gland containing human growth hormone she had had surgically placed in her head three years ago, Opal was now almost three foot four inches tall. Which was quite a towering height for a fairy, and even more so for a pixie.

'Ah, Wing Commander, finally seen the truth of my words?' said Opal in a sweet, innocent little girl fashion.

'Stuff it, Koboi!' snapped Vinyáya.

'Oh, my dear Wing Commander. Are you still upset because I took away your precious Commander Root?'

Vinyáya kept her cool, but Holly noticed that her fists were kept clenched very tightly after this.

'Just... Get up and come with me,' said Vinyáya. 'I'm sure the exercise will do you some good.'

'What do you mean by that?' said Opal, looking genuinely concerned.

'Well, look at you. Your skin's not as smooth as it used to be and your lips look pretty dry. And, oh, I think I might actually see a few wrinkles coming up. The centuries are catching up with you, Opal dear.'

This had Opal rushing over to the glass that surrounded them to check her reflection and see if this was true. Holly swallowed a smile at the sight. Good old Vinyáya. Always hit them right where it hurt.

They walked out of the holding facility where they took an armoured car to the nearest shuttleport and took an LEP shuttle that would take them straight to Haven.

It was a really agonising trip. Opal kept on talking all the way through it about her marvelous inventions and how the efforts of Holly and Artemis Fowl were so feeble that only luck could have allowed them to succeed.

'How they infiltrated Koboi Labs was all because of that stupid dwarf!' Opal ranted. 'I always knew that those two dwarfs were not to be trusted, but dwarf help is hard to get. As for the Zito Probe, that was all the fault of those accursed Brill brothers. They were such bumbling idiots. As for Fowl, he is no genius, he is but a mere Mud Boy who spends too much time with these computers and is nowhere near as brilliant as me. I have thought over everything in my plans hundreds of times, and none of the mistakes that caused them to fail were my fault! It was all because of some idiot who does not appreciate my genius, or my beauty!'

It occurred to Holly then that Opal must have been thinking about all these during her three years in prison. This pixie was losing her mind to obsession.

Once they arrived in Haven City, they took another armoured car to Police Plaza where the Operations' booth that controlled all the city's defences and networks.

Foaly had made it so that if anyone but he tried to use the booth it would automatically shut down, but he had left back-doors for emergencies such as this by installing a secret password that he entrusted to only his wife Caballine and one of his most gifted and trustworthy techies.

Wing Commander Vinyáya typed in the password and then stood over in a corner to observe Opal, but then her communicator went off with a message and her features flashed those of annoyance and concern.

'I'm needed back at headquarters,' she whispered to Holly.

By headquarters Holly realised she must have meant Section 8, an elite and secret branch of the LEP that used to track the activity of demons, but since their return, Section 8 had mainly been helping them rehabilitate and was now involving themselves in serious actions involving demons such as gangs planning to head to the surface and hunt down Mud Men.

'Qwan's gone into a fit because he can't find or contact Qweffor,' continued Vinyáya. 'It's probably nothing, but better safe than sorry.'

'Understood. I'll take care of Opal,' said Holly and Vinyáya left to catch a taxi.

Opal's fingers were a blur were at the main computer as they moved over its keyboard searching for bugs and potential leads to the hacker and creating ways to keep him out. Opal went through all the data-files she could and searched through reams and reams of code that was reflected in her large chocolate brown eyes.

'Captain Short, I have used one of the centaur's data-programs to search for the Internet Protocol address of your hacker,' said Opal. 'It seems to be coming from Fowl Manor.'

'What?' said Holly and rushed over to the console.

'I'm not finished, dear Holly,' said Opal in a mock sweet little girl tone. 'The IP address is being routed through Fowl Manor to leave a hopeless false trail. Why, I know of kindergarteners who could have figured that out.'

'Just button it and find out who this is!' Holly snapped.

Opal followed her orders and kept on searching and after about five minutes, a wide smile came across her face.

'It appears you have a traitor in your midst. The IP address leads me back here to Police Plaza, and I think I can pin it down to an exact location.'

Too shocked for words, Holly let Opal continue her work without passing comment. The idea of an LEP officer hacking into Haven's security system seemed preposterous, but people could be turned, and it was possible that past Opal might even have the poor fairy under the influence of the mesmer.

'I've pin-pointed the location,' said Opal. 'It says it's right here in the Operations' booth. Oh why, Captain Short, I do believe it's- ME!'

Opal surprised Holly by snatching her Neutrino 3000 and aiming at her. Holly had expected Opal to have over a dozen neutrino charges blasted at her well before this, but then she saw what had happened.

Out of thin air wearing full LEP gear, minus a helmet, was the past version of Opal from eight years ago. She had blasted LEPretrieval One's Neutrinos with bursts of lightning and they had either melted in their hands or short-circuited from the attack.

Holly immediately realised what the past Opal had done. She must have used the LEP suit's built-in computer and its additional feature of shielding support so that no security device or person would even notice her. She had infiltrated Police Plaza using the LEP's own technology!

'Ah, you must be the famous Captain Short I've heard so much about,' said the past Opal. 'For the past five years you have been a thorn in my future-self's side, and now I think I shall let her have the vengeance she deserves, and let you be killed with your own weapon.'

The present Opal switched the setting on the Neutrino 3000 up to level 10, or crispy cinders as the guys in LEPrecon called it.

Opal fired pulled the trigger, but no shot came out.

'What!? Why doesn't it fire!?' Opal yelled.

'It won't work for you, Opal,' said Holly, trying to buy more time to formulate a plan. 'That's one of Foaly's Neutrino 3000s. Only I can use it.'

'Arrrggghhhh!' Opal screamed at the top of her lungs. 'My vengeance! Snatched from me again by that infernal centaur!'

While Opal was having her tantrum, one officer took the opportunity to press a nearby alarm, activating klaxons all throughout Police Plaza and alerting everyone inside to the emergency.

'D'Arvit!' swore the past Opal and zapped the officer, rendering him unconscious from the attack. 'We must go now!'

'NO!' screeched the present Opal. 'Short must pay!'

'If we don't leave soon, we'll both be arrested! Then this will all be for nothing!'

With great effort, Opal reluctantly lowered Holly's Neutrino 3000 and followed her past self out of the Operations' booth.

The past Opal activated the wings on her stolen LEP jumpsuit and flew out of Police Plaza at high speed and down into the streets were her taxi cab was waiting. The present Opal quickly discarded Holly's weapon and jumped into the back of the taxi and the two Opals were soon lost among the traffic.

WAREHOUSE DISTRICT, HAVEN

Haven's Warehouse District was filled with tall buildings where goods were stored. There was not a house in sight for five miles, and was usually were criminals went to conduct secret meetings in the only blind spot from the surrounding twenty cameras.

The past Opal's taxi slowed down as it approached one of the buildings.

'What are we slowing down for!?' said the present Opal furiously. 'The LEP are probably using the tracker in my arm to pin our location right now! We should be moving as fast as possible!'

All criminals were surgically fitted with subcutaneous sleepers in their skulls, or the arm in the case of pixies. The subcutaneous sleepers could both track the criminal's whereabouts and knock them out if they were involved in any illegal activity.

'Relax,' said the past Opal. 'This taxi's lead lined. The lead stops the signals from getting through. You'll only be in danger as soon as I open the door.'

'I really do think of everything, don't I?'

The past Opal pulled up the taxi to an abandoned warehouse with a sign on top. On the sign was a pixie in a sailor's unfiorm with a wide smile holding a mackerel. Right beside his head in fading yellow were the words "Sturge's Fish".

'Oh, old uncle Sturge's place!' said the past Opal, surprsied.

Sturge Koboi had previosuly been the owner of a major fish company. Pixies loved fish. And they especially loved illegal shellfish such as lobster and prawns. Sturge had been caught smuggling illegal fish only ten years ago and was now serving time in prison. But Sturge had rented out the warehouse for one hundred years in cash, so the lessor was reluctant to rent it to somebody else in case Sturge sued him for every penny he was worth while still in the cooler.

The past and present Opals hurried into the warehouse. It was a dark and damp place, filled with the smell of rotting fish. The leaking fish tanks and broken floorboards added to the seedy appearance of the place. The only light came from the smashed windows and glow cube on a nearby work table.

The past Opal walked over to the table which had on it a flower pot filled with earth, a medi-kit and a plexiglass sphere also filled with earth.

'This sphere has an acorn inside it,' explained the past Opal. 'You can barely see it, but it's in there. I robbed it from Holly Short along with her LEP gear. I can only guess that this is to keep the acorns fresh so you can complete the Ritual at a later date.'

Fairies were bound to certain laws and rituals that were written in their Bible known simply as the Book. One of these rituals allows fairies to replenish their magic by picking an acorn from an ancient oak tree and burying it in a different location.

'There's a pot of earth here so you can bury the acorn. You place it in, and you'll be running hot in no time. Then we can make our escape.'

The present Opal smashed the plexiglass sphere against the worktop and picked up the acorn from the small pile of earth.

Then she placed the placed the acorn in the pot of earth while reciting the ancient words necessary to complete the Ritual. 'I return you to the earth, and claim the gift that is my right.' Not exactly the most phenomenal choice of words, but it got the message through.

Then jolts of magic flowed like electricity through Opal's arm, empowering her until she was full to the brim with magic.

'There. Now, on to our escape plan,' said the past Opal.

She walked over to a metal barrel with an oxygen tube sticking out of the side. Opal opened up the lid to reveal a pair of long horns that looked like they could easily gut a pig. Attached to the horns was a muscled creature with skin the colour of moon-dust and a head like a gargoyle lying in a thick goo the present Opal recognised as animal fat. Animal fat enchanted with hexes was an ancient way of suppressing a fairy's magic, making it much easier to capture them. Ancient police forces had used this trick as a last resort to contain dangerous criminals.

'Allow me to introduce you to Qweffor,' said the past Opal. 'He is a former apprentice of Qwan himself, but has since completed his training and is now a fully fledged demon warlock. I ran into him on purpose at a speed-dating event and used my powers to mesmerize him. I can have complete control over him within a ten metre radius. Even with solid objects acting as barricades. Now, it is time to put him to use.'

The past Opal then summoned her magic and in a voice as beautiful as stars in a clear night sky.

' Step out of the barrel, Qweffor, and stand over there, ' said the past Opal in a purely irrestible voice.

Qweffor then zombie walked over to the spot Opal had indicated, trailing animal fat in his wake. Above the spot was a large tank of water the past Opal had prepared. She pulled a rope attached to a small hatch on the tank, and two gallons of water fell from it, completely washing away the fat from Qweffor. She then took a syringe gun from the medi-kit on the table and injected what looked like water into the demon's arm.

'Spring water from the fairy well sixty metres below the ring of Tara,' explained the past Opal. 'It will counteract the fat and the hexes and have his magic up and running again in no time.'

Within seconds of saying it, blue sparks came erupting through Qweffor's body, driving out the last remains of the hex stirred into the fat.

'Perfect,' said the past Opal. 'Just one more use of the mesmer and we'll both be back in the past, ready to foil the LEP's attack against us.'

'About that...' said the present Opal, 'there's been a change of plan.'

The past Opal's face was one mixed of fury and confusion. 'What? I've been planning this for a month! I've been working out every little detail since I first found you- I was imprisoned.'

'I only plan to alter the plan a little. Instead of us both going into the past, you will return to your time, and I shall go to the future.'

'Excuse me?!' said the past Opal in a hysterical voice.

'Back when I still had Koboi Laboratories, I sent probes roughly twelve thousand years into the future, illegally. After two days in the future, the probe would return to the present with recorded data. There is no technology there that I could use to conquer this world ten times over. It is my plan and our back-up plan. Now, there is no time for argument. The LEP know we are here and will no doubt be banging down that door any second.'

The past Opal let out an aggravated groan before seethingly returning to her work.

Fowl To The Future
A few years ago, Artemis had arranged a business meeting with the owner of a multinational communications company with mob connections and Butler had accompanied him. The meeting had turned into an incident that almost cost Butler his life, but thanks to Artemis's quick thinking and Holly Short's magical healing powers, Butler survived to fight another day. But Butler's body was forced to also contribute, and gave fifteen years of his life energy to help him heal. So Butler, at the age of forty-five, now had the physcial make-up of a sixty-year-old. Granted, a sixty-year-old with the stature of a mountian gorilla, but age can still do terrible things to a body, and it most certainly had done in Butler's case.

The bodyguard had alerted his sensei Madame Ko to his predicament during his three-year-wait for Artemis's return using the excuse that the years were catching up to him. She had recommended a routine of diet and exercise she'd learned from an old Tibetan man that would make Butler feel as if he were thirty years younger. The Tibetan man was currently ninty-seven and was living in Jamaica for the tropical fruit. Every day he would climb up banana trees for food and would knock down coconuts and crack them open with his head for drink. His body was as youthful as that of a 20-year-old, but he often suffered from terrible headaches due to the coconuts. And aspirin was hard to come by in the tropical islands.

The dieting was easy enough. All Butler needed was the necessary fruits and vegetables and a few ancient herbs mixed into a protein shake. It was the exercise that was the tough part.

A normal person at Butler's age might have a little trouble with exercising, but for the manservant it was terrible. Especially when jogging or on the treadmill. Another thing happened to Butler when Holly had healed him. She had accidentally replicated some kevlar fibres from Butler's bullet proof vest that had sunk into the gunshot wound that had nearly killed him, and now his breathing was constricted and a fifteen minute jog now seemed like a marathon for the Eurasian. But apart from that, everything was A-OK.

Butler had stuck to this routine of diet and exercise for the past three years. He hadn't felt so alive since Holly Short had saved him from a troll's attack. Right now, he felt as if he could take on a dozen trolls. Not necessarily in medieval armour though. Perhaps if he just had a really big machine gun.

'Complete genius, wouldn't you say, old friend?'

'Indeed, Artemis. It looks like we can now add Dr. Emmett J. Brown to your long list of aliases,' said Butler with the merest hint of humour in his voice.

'Oh, I'm so proud of my little Smarty Arty!' said Angeline, and she hugged her son tighly.

Inside the embrace, Artemis frowned deeply. He hadn't been called 'Smarty Arty' since he was seven when he'd passed his first nuclear physics test.

Artemis On The Hunt
Butler put on a trench coat that, surprisingly, hid a vast amount of his bulky frame and a cloth cap atop his head.

'How do I look?' he asked.

'Like a tall Del Boy,' said Holly, barely concealing her fit of giggles.

'Thanks.'

Butler was out searching in the city of Soleanna for the next several hours, leaving his comrades to sit in the ship and develop cramp. It was worst for Mulch, who got up and walked around every few minutes in fear that his lower half would get numb, and when you're a dwarf in the tunneling business, a numb bottom could prove fatal during mining "procedures".

Butler jumped on to a particularly large boat resplendent with dancing girls, and startled many of them, but they did not let out screams as to alert the authorities.

'Never a gondola around when you need one,' said Butler, matter-of-factly, and jumped off the opposite end of the boat and on to left side of the canal.

'Hey, big guy, you know that bridges work too, right?' said Mulch. The spout of humour was the dwarf's way of concealing stress. If Opal got away now, things could get really out of hand really quickly.

Crashing The Casino
'Anything else I can take with me?'

'Nothing much. Although, there are these.'

Hooly pulled out from the kit what appeared to be a pair of gloves made out of the same material used in adhesive bandages.

'Gloves made out of memory latex,' explained Holly. 'They have an added middle layer of impact-gel inside them to cushion blows you receive. They're also fire proof and heat resistant. Fairy fire-fighters use entire suits made out of this stuff when looking for civilians inside burning buildings. You could punch a wall of solid steel wearing this stuff and your hand wouldn't even have a scrape. They're brilliant for fist-fights. Professional boxers even use them they work so well.'

'Handy.'

'Please tell me that gag wasn't intentional.'

'Greetings, my human friends. I trust you are procuring an exuberant time at my petite establishment?' said the mammoth.

'Why, veritably,' said Artemis, eager to engage in a verbal battle. 'The amusement of the gamble is most joyous, the pabulum delectable and the entertainment meritorious. This entire establishment is to be exalted.'

In the LEP shuttle outside the casino, Holly turned on her translator.

'Ha ha! At last, an individual in possession of a vocabulary tantamount to mine. I have to resort to using the words of a commoner so these uneducated rubes can even comprehend me. But what of my decorum? I am Mammoth Mogul, manager and owner of this establishment. Do tell to as to your own identity?'

'Henry Wahl. Or H. Adrian S. Wahl as I'm often credited.' Artemis had used this alias several times to deliver papers in various archaeological magazines. Most recently he had submitted a lecture on Egyptian hieroglyphics to The Trowel regarding a mis-translation he'd discovered that could render everything learned from hieroglyphics as worthless. The ancient Egyptians had based their language on Gnommish, the fairy tongue, and according to Artemis's translation, what most archaeologists believed to be the tale of a powerful curse actually said, "To get to next lavatory, go two floors up and take a right as the third sarcophagus."

Typical, thought Artemis. No matter where you go, there's always some titchy idiot pointing a gun at you.

'Age before beauty,' said Rouge curtly to Shadow.

Shadow then went first and he and Rouge followed the princess inside without a problem, but Omega was too big to get through the door.

'Oh, sorry, Omega. We made the entrances smaller so that Mobians could get in, but not any of Eggman's robots,' explained Sally.

'You really are taking every little precaution,' noted Rouge. 'Making the doors smaller. You must have been thinking of everything that Eggman could dish out and how to stop it.'

'I have. But once we've finished here, a small door will be the last thing that amazes you. Come on, you two.'

'Hang on,' said Shadow in his usual grumpy demeanor. 'Omega, please give me your arm,' the hedgehog instructed, clutching Omega's arm by the thin part attaching the arm to Omega's shoulder. The arm was then released with a pneumatic hiss and Shadow caught it in his hand before it dropped to the floor.

'Omega's arms can be detached from his body,' Shadow explained, a touch unnecessarily. 'You can then carry the arms around as your own personal weapons. If you have the strength, of course. You just twist the spikes on the wrist to switch between weapons and to fire.'

'That's the second time I've been reduced to so much charcoal in twenty-four hours!'

Butler's gun drew his modified Neutrino 2000 towards Nack and fired it within a flash. This caught the weasel completely off guard and the beam stunned him before his eyes had time to widen.

Butler was about to fire on the Destructix, Bean and Bark too, when a metal hand grabbed him by his gun arm. It was a SWATbot in nothing but the top half of a black suit. The SWATbot pulled the Neutrino out of Butler's hand with surprising strength and threw it right across the room. The SWATbot then raised its arm and Butler could clearly see a building laser beam from the top of the robot's wrist.

'Surrender,' it said the tones of a cheap radio.

Butler promptly batted the robot's arm aside and knocked its head clean off with one swift punch.

Drago threw a punch at Butler, but the bodyguard caught it easily and then pressed his thumb to a specific area of the neck that would render Drago unconscious. But the wolf was still standing.

Drago then attempted a spinning kick at Butler's chest, which was the highest point to he could hope to reach. Butler blocked, then tried another pressure point, but still had no luck. The wolf's anatomy appeared to be different from human ones. But Butler had one trump card that was guaranteed to work.

The Eurasian forced Drago back a few yards with a quick push, then the wolf came charging at him. Just before Drago was within Butler's kicking distance, the bodyguard drew back his leg and threw a well aimed kick at the area underneath Drago's stomach. Paralysis due to excrutiating pain was immediate.

'Urgh... You reckon that egg-head will still pay us for the job?'

'No way! And I'm not going back to find out. The last time we were alone with the maniac, we walked out as shiny and metal as my coffee pot!'

An Opal For An Emerald
'OK, guys,' said Sally. 'Here's our mission. Two nights ago when Sonic and I were on our honeymoon, NICOLE sent out some spy-eyes to check up on Eggman, and she found some things that I'm concerned about.'

Spy-eyes was the term the Freedom Fighters used for the hovering nanite-powered cameras NICOLE had made. They were based on designs made by Robotnik Prime that NICOLE had found on previous adventures with the Freedom Fighters. She had discovered blue-prints Robotnik had made for devices called Surveillance Orbs but never put them into production and saved them. After New Mobotropolis was created, NICOLE had decided to make her own version of the Surveillance Orbs using nanites as power-sources.

'The spy-eyes went to Eggman's Iron Jungle base above Eggman's underground factory called the Lava Shelter, only to find that the facility has grown significantly and is being called the Egg Factory,' continued Sally. 'In just two weeks, Eggman has used the Egg Factory to make more robots and build a new city called Metropolis and the Iron Jungle now acts as a sort of defensive network for the Egg Factory. You have to get through Iron Jungle and all the robot guards to get to the factory. This place is making 'bots by the second. NICOLE's spy-eyes saw them being spewed out faster than you could believe. This means his robot-creating machines have become much more faster and efficient, and he could probably have an army ready to take over the entire planet within hours.'

This part caught everybody's attention, especially Opal's.

'What is even scarier is that one of the spy-eyes caught Eggman putting in plans for another one of his battle mechs. All he did was put in the plans he'd made, and within minutes the thing was complete. The mech was called the Egg Mammoth and we know little of its abilities, but you can be sure Eggman will put it to use soon. We've got to destroy the Egg Factory at any cost.'

Rouge raised a hand in question. 'Princess, would you care to explain just how the creation of an entire city went unnoticed?' she asked. 'I haven't heard anything about this, and G.U.N.'s satellites would have picked it up.'

'I have no idea how he managed to keep this a secret. I can only guess he used some sort of cloaking technology. Maybe Eggman made a force-field that could bend light so we couldn't see it with the naked eye or satellite. I guess we just got lucky with NICOLE's probes. The Council of Acorn is fully behind us on this one, so we don't have to worry about any red tape from them.'

Butler then walked up to him and bumped into the crocodile with his shoulder.

'Why don't you watch where you're going?' Butler yelled.

'Hey, you're the one that bumped into me, Gramps!' said Vector.

'You're the one that bumped into me, you over-grown handbag!'

'Watch it, buddy, or I'll put your head between my jaws and bite down. Hard!'

'Oh! Does the croc' with the big mouth want a fight?' Butler was getting Vector so worked up that Foaly would have been proud had he been there to witness it.

'That's it! You're going down, pal!'

'OK. I always did want to Crocodile Wrestle,' said Butler and removed his trench coat, revealing a chest rivaling Mammoth Mogul's. 'Come on, scale-face. My sister's birthday's coming up, and I want to give her a pair of crocodile-skin shoes as a present.'

Vector had had enough, and charged at Butler, as did the Eurasian so that they were soon locked in a battle of strength. Each trying to overpower the other. Soon there were Mobians, Overlanders and humans of all kinds placing bets on the crocodile and manservant for who would win. A couple of "Mes Braves" Battalion soldiers saw all the commotion and considered stopping it, but who was going to get in the way of an over two-metre tall human and a near six-foot crocodile who both had chests roughly the size of houses?

Butler quickly moved between the buildings for cover, and when he was close enough, ran straight for the armed buggy Team Dark had come in and jumped into it. He didn't even need to hot-wire the car. The keys were still in the ignition.

Butler floored the accelerator and the car zoomed off towards the Egg Mammoth with surprising speed.

The buggy was armed with twin missile launchers for these kinds of situations, but Butler didn't know this. He did, however, spot a red button with the word 'boost' on the gear stick, and pressed it when he was only two metres away from the Egg Mammoth and jumped out of the car.

The force of the car ramming into the mech caused the Egg Mammoth to lose its balance and topple over onto the ground, shaking the earth on impact.

Butler then walked over, yanked Eggman out of the cockpit and behind the overturned Egg Mammoth to give them both some cover from Opal.

Eggman then did a run for the Egg Mobile and jumped into it with a, 'Yosh!'

'I caught the little Freedom Fighter! Ha ha ha ha!'

Omnipitent Opal
'Seen this one in a Bond movie, big man?' asked Holly.

'Bond movie? I haven't even seen anything like this in Star Wars!'

'Butler', called Artemis with a touch of excitement in his voice. 'You must see this. The DNA analysis shows that these "Mobians" are a mixture of human and animal DNA merged. From my gatherings over this world's cyberspace, an attack was made roughly 12,000 years ago by an alien species called the Xorda. They bombarded the entire planet with these weapons called Gene Bombs which destroyed most of the planet and wiped out millions of people. But somehow, the bombs' mutated the creatures of the animal kingdom into sentient beings. It enhanced their intellect so much that they've even surpassed humans in terms of intelligence. Fascinating.'

'That's all well and good, Artemis,' said Holly from the front of the ship, 'but right now, Opal Koboi is running off with a self-absorbed dictator bent on world domination!'

'A match made in heaven if there ever was one,' Butler commented drily.

Dr. Eggman sat in the main laboratory of the Egg Factory with Opal, looking over the new robot just manufactured. Its skinny body was covered from top to bottom in white and black armour, and had a head shaped like a Frisbee with a single optic eye. Its armaments consisted of a missile launcher on its right arm and a machine gun on the left. It also came with a jet engine in its back for hovering. Eggman couldn't help but admire the handiwork and great craftsmanship of the design, and this was only one of four models.

'I must say, Miss Koboi,' said Eggman, 'these new modifications to my Egg Gunner designs are brilliant. And you made the perfect models for my Egg Rollers idea in no time at all. You're an evil genius after my own heart. And I must also thank you for your contribution to my little side-project.'

'The new design is rather splendid, not to mention the SCR-GPs, or "Egg Rollers" as you call them. And Operation: Eggstermination seems rather promising also. But there's no chance of it working unless you get the other necessities,' said Opal while filing her nails.

'Don't you worry about them. My Egg Cruiser will soon be ready and I can collect the Destructicite crystals from Mobius's asteroid belt. With them, Operation: Eggstermination can't fail. The Eggman Empire will be all powerful again, and I shall rule it all from right here in Metropolis. I think I shall destroy one of the continents when that happens, build a new glorious vast city from the ashes and christen it Egg Capital as a gift for myself. Or better yet, ha ha ha, pave over the entire world and turn it into the Egg Planet. My own glorious world with an all-powerful army of robots serving my every whim with that Hedgehog behind bars, living for the sole purpose of giving me entertainment by being tortured or humiliated whenever world domination starts to get boring.'

Opal smiled an evil smile at the Doctor's view of the future. He may be deranged, but his ideas and future schemes were so deliciously good that she herself could have thought of them. And when she got back to her world and conquered it, she would make it seem that she did think of them.

Snively took that moment to walk in and deliver some news to his adoptive uncle.

'Sir, satellites show that something is heading towards Metropolis at high speed. It must be the Hedgehog and his friends, sir.'

'Now, now, incompetent lackey,' said Opal in a voice as if talking to a disobedient child. 'It is ma'am and sir now that I am here with your uncle.'

'Ooh... I'd like to give you such a whack you witch!' muttered Snively to himself as he walked away.

'What was that!?' said Opal, furious.

'I said "I think on my back, there's an itch",' said Snively and proceeded to try and scratch himself in a place he'd never been able to reach.

'Long time no see, rodent! What do you think of these brilliant new robots Miss Koboi designed?' Eggman asked. 'Their inner-workings are absolutely spectacular! Their armour is made of a newly discovered metal found by my grand empire known as Eggamantium; The strongest metal on Mobius. And let's not forget the best part about these babies; They have such great computing and battle situation protocols that they make your wife's NICOLE look like a pocket calculator. They're smart, smart enough to out-think you and your little band of renegades with the utmost precision, Sonic.'

'We'll see about that, Eggman!' said Sonic, tauntingly. 'Your new hardware's smart enough, but let's see if they're fast enough.'

Sonic zoomed off, leaving his friends to their own fights. He moved at supersonic speed through the city of Metropolis, being careful to avoid rivers of acid and patrolling robots. The Egg Gunners followed with their jets at full speed and they're guns working at maximum power. It was already pain-stakingly obvious that Sonic was faster than them.

Sonic ran up to a wall and jumped on to it, then sprung right back off, causing the robots to slam into the solid wall at full speed and explode. If they had been going slower, they might have been able to pull up, but Sonic had made sure to make them go at maximum speed for his plan to work.

'You were saying about your robots being smart, doc?' said Sonic with his trademark grin.

Eggman let out a burst of hysterical laughter. 'Don't get cocky yet, my spiny friend. They weren't meant to catch you. They were meant to lure you in.'

Sonic bent his knees a little at this, ready to spring into action. His choice was a wise one, as in less than a second three white robots in the shape of wheels burst out from various buildings and were in hot pursuit of Sonic.

The hedgehog moved at high speed to avoid them, but these robots were fast. Incredibly fast, fast enough to catch Sonic.

One of them got to within a metre of Sonic, and it then transformed in mid-roll and then began to fly in order to stay close to Sonic. The robot had a single red eye that locked on to Sonic. It had large metal feet that were painted gold and had long, thin golden arms like pipes that ended in three black, metal fingers that reached out for Sonic.

Sonic turned around so he was running backwards, stuck out his tongue and pulled at his eye, making a very insulting face. The Egg Roller attempted to grab Sonic, but the hedgehog jumped out of grabbing distance and leaped on to the robot's head right in front of its eye.

The robot was now blinded and was trying desperately to grab Sonic. Its two comrades then transformed and went into hover mode to grab Sonic, but the hedgehog managed to avoid them. The two robots then climbed on to their comrade in order to capture Sonic, and that was when he put his plan into action.

Sonic jumped off of the Egg Gunner with such force that it went face first into the ground, and then bounced back off of it again and again until if finally landed in a river of acid along with its comrades. The robots were devoured by the river of green acid within less than a minute.

Butler fired a few charges from his Neutrino 2000 on the nearest Egg Gunner, and it began to spark upon impact as the charge made its way through the robot's body and fried all its inner circuitry.

Apparently, Butler thought, Eggamantium conducts neutrino charges. Perhaps my luck is changing. Then another Egg Gunner launched a rocket that was aimed for Butler's legs, but it hit the floor just as Butler moved out of the way and he was flung from his feet by the force of the explosion. Nope. Still bad as ever.

Omega opened the panel on the top of his arm, revealing what Butler recognised as a Heckler & Koch UMP with .45ACP ammo. Omega fired the weapon, sending a bullet roughly the size of a man's fingertip hurtling towards the nearest Egg Gunner at quite a pace. The bullet impacted and caused damage to the robot's torso, but it wasn't down yet. Another two shots finished the job and Omega moved on to the next unfortunate automaton.

'Allow me to introduce myself. I am Artemis Fowl II, former criminal mastermind and a being who shall haunt your worst and darkest nightmares for years to come,' said Artemis, and went into a small bow while simultaneously giving Eggman his best vampire-like smile.

'Sweet spark-plugs!' exclaimed Eggman.

'I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!'

'AND I HATE THAT HUMAN!'

Fowl And The Future Saviours
'Butler here is my bodyguard. The Butlers have been protecting the Fowl family for centuries. All members of his family are either bodyguards or assassins.'

'Well, almost all, Artemis,' corrected Butler. 'My sister Juliet is a wrestler and I also have a cousin in America who is an artist who draws comic books for a living. My, it's been a long time since I last saw old Steven,' muttered Butler under his breath before drawing out of his past memories and back to the present.

Opal and Eggman sat at a long dining table in one of the more opulent rooms by electric candle-light. Everything on the table was a food of Eggman's favourite, as he very rarely had guests. All of the dishes had Eggman's face on them and had the word "egg" in it.

There was the "Egg Dictator Sandwich", which was a huge hero sandwich with everything on it from tomatoes to pickled eggs. Then the was the "Egg-squisite Dinner", which was a plate of king prawns surrounded by fruits and vegetables that made it look like Eggman's face. Opal detected a slight hint of motor oil in the meal that made it far from "Egg-squisite". "Egg Dogs", which were hot dogs with a sickly green sauce on them. Then for desert there was "Egg Candy", which were huge lollipops with Eggman's face that tasted extremely bitter. Poppin' Eggcorn, which was basically popcorn that tasted like sawdust and finally Egg Puffs, which looked like large pieces of dough with the symbol of the Eggman Empire. Eggman had said it had a creamy filling, but what Opal found was a bitter and strange coloured gunk.

At each entrance to the dining room stood two blue robots with chests the shape of tea cups with lights on wielding a sword with spikes and a shield. These were Eggman's Egg Fighter robots that were supposed to form his new army, but had now been demoted to security duty and were now in charge of guarding Metropolis. Some of the more elite ones served as Eggman's personal bodyguards. Apparently, the Egg Fighters had saved Eggman from a group of cyborg echidna armed with lasers and dressed in cloaks. Perhaps Eggman wasn't such an idiot after all if could actually made robots that could do their jobs well.

Murder Most Fowl
'How are we supposed to bring her back to the past, Artemis? I just don't see it.'

'Since when have you been one for giving up?'

'I've never been, but the odds haven't been like this before. We're going up against a power-mad dictator who controls most of the planet with legions of robots armed to the teeth. It's just impossible.'

'Holly, look at what we've got on our side. We've got a red echidna with herculean strength, a cowboy cyborg rabbit, an alien hedgehog hybrid, a voluptuous thieving bat, a two-tailed genius fox, a royal squirrel tactician, and a speedy blue hedgehog who's had such an active love life that his theme song should be Mambo No. 5. With many more ridiculous exceptions. How can we possibly lose?'

Holly actually laughed at this. 'I like this new sense of humour of yours. It makes you seem more... normal.'

'Normal? I don't think that word has ever been associated with me before.'

'D'Arvit!' exclaimed Holly.

'Is there really any need for such language, Hol- D'Aaaaarviiiiit!' said Artemis, once he saw what Holly had seen.