User blog comment:Memphis the light/Community Zone/@comment-3149644-20110501121738/@comment-3149644-20110501154644

@Maku- I'm currently skimming through some of it right now. owo So far it seems okay, but I would love some more details. Like. . . not to sound harsh, but it seems kind of bland, not really painting a mental image. Okay, here let me. . take a random line out of a chapter; ""Where are you going?" asked Fusion. "We are going to find Shadow and see if we can learn anything from him," said Zel, "He is probably on ARK so that is where we are going." "Farewell friends, may your journey be safe." said Fusion. Zel used Chaos Control and the trio warped away. "

Now if I were writing it, I'd imagine it like; " "Where are you going?" Fusion pondered, the question coaxed in such wonder of what Zel's destination would be, topped off with a head tilt,

"We're going to find Shadow, and see if we can learn anything from him," Zel stated this, not hesitating. It was what he had to do - learning was learning. Zel took a singular moment to pause, his brain searching for where Shadow could be located - organizing from the least common, to the more likely, "He's probably on the ARK, so that's where we'll be going." Zel gave a nod, assured of this.

Fusion gave a nod as well, "Farewell, friends. May your journey be safe." The words spoken by the other was sure to aid Zel and his companions with whatever luck given. Zel paid close attention to these words, then focused to concentrate on the ability to use Chaos Control. A bright light began to engulf Zel -- as well as the other two's -- bodies, before covering each completely in a vivid white, leading to their bodies suddenly vanishing from where they once stood, warping to their desired location."

I haven't actually written anything in awhile, so it seems kind of purple prose-ish for me. ewe I'll crack down on reading it soon.