Fanfiction:QuidEst/Episode 1

>Random polka music plays<

Guy 1: So that's when I—

Guy 2: Lance...we're on air.

Guy 1: Oh...that explains the red light that says "on air"...

>Awkward pause<

Guy 1: Anyway, welcome, ladies, gentlemen, et cetera, to the inaugural episode of QuidEst—the show guaranteed to have you saying "...what?" I'm your host, Lance the Wolf...

Guy 2: ...and I'm your other host, Brad the Hedgehog.

Lance: We worked together to make this radio talk show in order to ...well, talk!

Brad: Speaking of which...what are we talking about?

>Silence<

Brad: You said you had a plan...

Lance: That plan being to have no plan! That's what makes it exciting!

Brad: And dumb.

Lance: Exactly! Now, let's see...Ooh! We'll talk about coffee!

Brad: Now we're talking.

Lance: As we all know, coffee is the unstoppable being that rules the universe. People pay homage to it by brewing water and beans, allowing it to take physical form...

Brad: Not what I was thinking.

Lance: What? But you're its most faithful servant! Or has it brainwashed you...

Brad: ...Okay, I was willing to be a little crazy for the sake of the show, but you're making it really hard...

Lance: Well, fine, we'll go to Plan B.

Creepy voice: Does it involve your silencing?

Lance: Of course not—it's a talk show! And you're not part of it!

Creepy voice: ''Too late. I am now.''

Brad: ...Did Doom seriously just say that? Maybe Lance is starting to rub off on him.

Doom: Am I not allowed to be humorous on occasion?

Lance: No.

Brad: Uh...anyway, what was Plan B?

Lance: Well, I asked a few of the guys at the college what issues they'd like discussed on air.

Brad: Wait, they were going to let you discuss something?

Lance: It helped that I said you were going to be on the show. That got the girls' attention, at least.

Brad: Yeah, you need all the help you can get with the women.

Doom: And he is not in much better standing with men.

Guy 3: JUST READ THE QUESTIONS YOU IDIOT!

Lance: Hey, we're running this show...literally! You just shut up and produce!

Brad: Just give me that. >rustle of paper< Anyway, first question: "When will politicians actually make sense?"

Lance: Oh, that's easy. Never.

Brad: I second the motion. Next question: Joe wants to know what it will take to achieve world peace.

Lance: Another easy question, actually.

Doom: If it's so easy, how come you're obviously the first person to figure it out, of all people?

Lance: Let Eggman Nega take over the world.

Brad: WHAT THE—

Lance: Well, if no one's alive, they can't be fighting, can they?

Brad: ...I'll just sit here and wait for authorities to arrest you...

Lance: Anyway, next! A girl named Amy wants to know when there will be a game where she marries Son...uh, we'll answer that some other time!

Brad: Like maybe in eternity...

Doom: I sincerely hope your microphone did not collect that.

>Something crashes into the studio<

Amy Rose: WHY DOES NO ONE ADMIT THAT SONIC IS IN LOVE WITH ME?!?!?!

Lance: Well that didn't take long...

Doom: Indeed...for either her to get here or for the studio to be wrecked...

>Brad is heard yelling as he is chased from the studio<

Lance: Heh heh...let's see him act his way out of this one...Anyway, that conveniently and dramatically ends today's show! If you have questions for the next show, just write to us here! Till next time, good night, sleep well, and I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

Guy 3: What kind of farewell was that?!

>Polka music plays, signaling the long-awaited end<

Posted 04:49, July 21, 2016 (UTC).