Board Thread:Article Critique/@comment-4567194-20141217222056/@comment-10290971-20150104045133

Alright, lemme take a look, (From the perspective of both a sonic fan and an mlp fan)

We'll start off with the intro, which is sort of...meh. I mean it does get the job done, and it does if fairly well, telling everyone a decent amount, but I feel like you might be able to make it pop better, with maybe some sort of hook? I will say, I am glad you explaied how she became an alicorn as I know a lot of MLP characters that don't do that. (Alicorn of healing? I can get behind that.)

I really like the development heading you have. It's something that I haven't seen many people do and when you have a character as interesting as Krys, it's really great to see.

Her general info is pretty nice to see. It reminds me of the personality heading that I put on more pages, but with a bit more 'oomph' to it. I get a clear idea of how Krys is supposed to act by reading that.

Then history, 'Coming soon...' oh...guess I can't review that. I will say I am interested in reading her histroy, I'm sure there is a lot of it to see and I'm excited to see what direction you take Krys in.

Then we got to Alternate history. In general, alternate histroy is certainly something I am interested to see. There often are some big differences when it comes between two universes. (Speaking of which that's something I wanted to talk to you about after this review..)

I'll skip Malaria meets MLP simply because this is the sonic fanon wiki and that history doesn't exactly matter in the long scheme of things here.

Ah, Nitrogen, I am a huge fan of this guys art. *Ahem* Nerding out aside, I see no problem with this version of her histroy. There isn't any impossible or 'mary-sue' factors that come into play here, and most of it just seems to flow normal. Raven X Krys? I wanna board that ship!

And that's all of Krys' alternate histories in other universe! It's not like she's in another universe. :P

Ah, personality, something everyone has. Krys' personality certainly is interesting to read, but I do have one slight problem with it. I don't really know if all of it is needed. I mean, to go into more detail was good, but as I said above; I got a good idea of Krys when I read her general.

Then there is just one another line that just doesn't seem to fit Krys. "Krys sometimes laughs at mean things if they are just that funny." I don't know, the Krys who I have roleplayed with just doesn't seem like the girl to do that. I mean, I understand it, a lot of people do that kind of thing in real life and it is a good way to show that she is sort of like everybody else, but I feel like she'd be the girl to slap someone if they said something bad about someone. Of course, I'm thinking of people making of fun of others who are sick or have some sort of deformality to make them that way, but maybe you meant like, if someone was dressed odd and someone made a joke about it. Maybe you could expand on that a bit more, and say if she has limits to what she considers funny.

Then we go to skills which a lot of these make sense, and seem to fit her. Instrument prowress, clothes-making skills, and charity all seem like things Krys might have. There is a line that maybe it was a typo or maybe I'm missing something. "Later at the Mariala Church the regular organist played a minor key and was thrown in jail." Just...what? Is there an inside joke about this?

Magic, the pinnicle of Unicorn and Alicorn pages. (Happens to be one of my favorite!) You have a large assortment of spells here, including a seperate page dedicated to them! Some of these spells seem pretty justified for Krys to have. Healiing, protection, transformation, age, memory restoration. They seem to fit her style of character and the charitable helper she is.

Then there are a few that don't make sense. Mind control, Time Travel, Time Control, and death spell are the ones I'm talking about. Time Travel and Time Control don't really seem to fit simply because, if you recall from the show, not even Twilight or Star Swirl the bearded could go back in time for long, or use it more than once, and they're both some of the most powerful unicorns in the show. Granted, you could say that magic works differently in Mobius or maybe Krys came into contact with the Chaos Emeralds and it changed her magic or something, which could make sense, I could see how the chaos emeralds or how the magic in mobius could affect someone's magic, especially since this is a different universe and universe travel can do a lot to somone. (Plus it's the only way I can justify Time Spinner's very existence.)

Then there is Death and Mind Control spells, which just don't seem like Krys. In fact those two seem like the opposite of what Krys would do, more like something she would stand against. Mind Control gets a little lee way since that could be a variety of things and it doesn't really hurt people, so it makes sense, but Death magic doesn't seem like something Krys would ever dabble in. I would suggest explaining that spell in Krys' history because that doesn't seem like a spell everyone has, and I'm sure there is a story behind it.

I can't really say much about Krys' relationships since they you do talk about her friends in all of the paragraphs above, so I assume that most of them are pretty close with her.

And finally her design: I've always really liked Krys' design. White and pink has always been an interesting combination that I've never been able to give to my characters because they were too tom-boyish, or I made them a different color for a reason. No matter who draws her or what pose she's in her hair always reminds me of cotton candy for some reason.

In general: Krys is a seriously awesome character, no matter what anyone says Piano, I have always thought Krys was awesome. A little bit of sonic and a little bit of mlp, the two for some reason seem to make a good combo, and I think Krys is a good example of that. There were a couple of spelling mistakes, and I think there are a couple of things here and there that could be explained but once you write her history, I'm sure it'll all be explained. Krys is one of my favorite characters of yours and I can't wait to see what you intend to do with her next!