Board Thread:Article Critique/@comment-1587581-20140823074334/@comment-27765057-20140831212232

And by sometime next week, I of course meant the very last day of the week. Now before I start, can I just point out how odd that name is? I can't really find where it explains why that was given to her as a name. It just seems like a weird name, even for someone of royalty.

History - I'll be honest here: This section could use some work. There are a few issues I have with the article: Her being a prodigy is not elaborated on, her power to...revive the fallen by crying...is not explained, her parents are a**holes for no reason (and if they DID have a reason, it's clear that whatever they were trying to accomplish amounts to nothing as they died off so suddenly), the fight between her and Krinkinko occurs for seemingly no reason. The biggest problem I have is the murderer arch (it comes out of nowhere with no form of subtlety, interrupts the flow of the story, and doesn't really pay off at all as we're just left with her with no parents and being an agent of GUN). Some changes could be made to improve these parts of the story.

Personality -

Well she seems to have her personality fleshed out. I like how she intentionally hides her feelings. I don't have serious issues here overall. One thing I want to point out though is the fact that she actually is sad about her parents' death, considering how unsympathetic they were to her.

Abilities -

That first paragraph should be moved to a skills heading and broken into several paragraphs, in my opinion. I'm not going to comment on the chaos powers, as I don't know how it works at this point. Everyone has a different idea on what it is and who can use it, so I'll just trust your version of it and play along. Perhaps a way to tie this power into her backstory is explain where she learned to fight with it (my suggestion is that the parents hired people to train her, that way they have more significance to the story). I'm kinda surprised that you didn't include her uncanny power of bringing people back to life.

Conclusion -

Her story is the main issue I have with the character. I think if you want someplace to improve your princess, that is where you should start. Everything else is fine in my opinion.