Thread:Wikikinetic/@comment-27984457-20180327073316/@comment-32712012-20180404080724

I only remember two problematic transitions offhand; there might be more, but here are the two that I remember (both in the Third Act):
 * The first problematic transition occurs when Natalie, Angel, Rugal, and Carl are fighting Wraith (in Chapter 18). Natalie and Angel get blasted into the corner while Rugal continues fighting Wraith and Carl continues his hacking job. When Natalie tries to get Angel to help out Rugal, Angel suddenly starts monologuing about how she's always been driven by her love for Natalie. The thing is, Angel's monologue comes out of nowhere. It's tangentially related to the current situation, but if Angel really loved Natalie so much that it would motivate her to fight evil just for her, wouldn't Natalie asking Angel to help fight get Angel to get up and fight instead of monologuing about the fact that she's going to do that? The only reason that I can see for this not happening like in the story would be if Angel was actually too injured to move at the moment, which the story only vaguely implies. As such, I'd like if we could arrange something so that either 1) Angel doesn't give the speech or 2) it's clear why she can't be doing anything better than monologuing.
 * The second problematic transition occurs when Natalie is talking to Wraith in Chapter 20. Natalie starts trying to appeal to Wraith's humanity, and he tells her that he doesn't have any left. Then they get sidetracked and start talking about how Natalie might not even be in his head before he abruptly returns to the main topic. There's no connection between Natalie's last line on the side topic "I'm talking to you now. That's enough to prove you're still there, isn't it?" and Wraith's next line "Do you know how I got this body?". As such, I would suggest simply cutting the part where the two start arguing about whether Natalie's there. The part that I'm talking about is in a collapsible box below this bullet point for convenience:

Those are both of the problematic transitions that I can recall offhand. If this doesn't sound anything like what you expected me to say, this isn't exactly what I expected to say either (since I realized that my problems weren't exactly what I thought that they were while I was explaining them to you).

I hope that this feedback will be helpful somehow!