Thread:Neoexlucky/@comment-25011242-20151013030343/@comment-10290971-20151013122135

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Alright let's start this show.

We'll start from the beginning. You have a title as one of his main points, and under are some quotes. Okay, although I got confused at first because I'm used to quotes being at the bottom it's probably some artistic choice, so whatever. I can't really review quotes, mainly because I don't really know of what context they were made, so we're just gonna move on.

Cerberus is a Chao. However, the results of some gene-splicing project left him like he is now. He has a body of a normal Chao, but it has three stripes: Hero, Dark, and Neutral.

So they just sort of...took the best parts of each chao and sort of mashed it together? Alright, I can buy that.

Each section has the characteristics of that attribute. Thus, he has three eyes. A spike ball (Dark), a normal Chao ball (Neutral), and a glowing blue ball (Hero) float above his head. He often uses these as an impromptu hand, or whirls them at high speeds to damage enemies.

Well, given that he was genetically engineered this all makes sense, doing good so far.

Cerberus has three tails, each ending.in a viciously sharp claw.This may give him the appearance of a Cat Chao, however he is not.

Wait, what? Chao of tails?

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Huh, so they do. Although, why clawed tails? Was he given these when he was engineered?

Cerberus does NOT, repeat NOT, have three mouths or three heads.

Oh...okay then.

So far, appearance seems fine, I think the only thing I would say is to expand it, try to go into more detail about things.

He can teleport short distances. However, Cerberus can only teleport 10 times a day.

That's a weird number, but okay. Does he have to charge it up to teleport? Cause if he can, then you could just drop the 10 times a day part.

Cerberus can also drain electricity.

Cool, alright, a lot of other characters have these so it's whatever.

He can become Super Cerberus with a Delta Emerald. As Super Cerberus, his tails become much longer, the claws on them become larger and sharper, his entire body turns red and black, and he gains Chaos powers. The claws on his tails are extremely sharp, and can cut through tough material.

What? With a what now? Uh...okay. Well, super forms are cool to have I suppose, they are a pretty good plot point to have, so alright. What is a delta emerald, though? Probably something important in the story, though I would include somewhere why the delta emerald allows him to go super.

He trained rigorously to utilize telekinesis.

Like how? I only ask cause the history doesn't really cover it...

He was created using genes from a Light Chaos Chao, a Dark Chaos Chao, a Neutral Chaos Chao, and Silver the Hedgehog.

What? He was made with parts of Silver to? How? I don't really know if you actually need to say Silver, there are plenty of telekinetic users, besides Silver, so having to use him just doesn't really seem like necessary.

Cerberus has the intelligence of a normal Mobian. Cerberus is a psychokinetic, meaning he uses various psychic powers and attacks.

Intelligence is cool, and this is a good way of talking about powers, explaining them is a really good, yet simple, way of getting the point across.

Cerberus' eyes are in a triangle, two being in the normal location and one being slightly higher up, on his forehead

This doesn't really belong in the powers group, it should probably be put in the appearance section.

An odd quirk of his genetic engineering is that coffee gives him a huge power boost. Even Xai, the person who engineered him, isn't sure why that happens.

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Powers is overall fine, I think the only thing would be to drop the Silver the Hedgehog part (unless it's needed, somehow) and possibly explain some of his powers a little more.

I'm not going to go to far into personality, only to make it longer, maybe describe how he feels about certain people he's met, there's gotta be more to this guy.

When Xai the Hedgehog's parents accidentally opened a portal to the Shadow Realms they had to hurry to figure out a solution.

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The portal couldn't be closed. And nothing natural or normal could hope to stand a chance against a Shadow-Dweller. So they had an idea. Why not engineer the perfect guardian to drive off the creatures?

Great idea, 10/10 would do it again.

As such, Cerberus was engineered. He was a hasty engineering job, so there are several quirks in his abilities.

Cool now we can begin the epic tales of Cerberus fighting monsters in the shadow realm. It'll be an adventure of love, and lost, and sacrifice, and-

When fully formed, he awakened and.... put a BEWARE OF GUARDIAN sign on the other side of the portal. A bit of a letdown.

Oh...or that...

But he still monitors the place 24/7 with his telepathic abilities, allowing him to travel the world and still do his job.

Alright, well, that certainly...happened...

For as many jokes as I'm making, his history is fine. If anything, make it longer, talk about other things that has happened in his life, has the portal ever been breached, has anything outside caused problems with the portal? I think the more you talk about him the better he'll be.

Overall he's pretty great, aside from a few minor things here and there. I think if you make his history a little longer than it will make a lot of this easier. Other than that, he's pretty good.