Talk:Raven the Cyberhog/Archive 4

Hi. Wanna roleplay? Azareth Metrion ZINTHOS!!! 03:44, August 16, 2014 (UTC)

Since I archived my talk page, I believe I lost the message where you asked me to review Raven. Just here to let you know that I'll be getting around to it soon, now that I've been making sme progress in my summer homework. .3.  ♦Strength is subjective,   but you're weak from any perspective.♦  12:26, August 25, 2014 (UTC)

Fyre’s Review
Welp, you asked me to review your character, so here’s my (late) review.

In case I end up getting really ranty, just note that I have absolutely nothing against you, just the character.

Nitpicky Stuff
Starting with some nitpicky stuff that comes to mind upon my first glance at the page/infobox:
 * Raven is a girl's name.
 * "Gigawattage" is an awfully odd middle name, especially if he’s related to Amy, whose name is incredibly normal.
 * "Hero" isn’t exactly specific for an alignment. There are three axes for each of the three main alignments: Lawful, Neutral/True, and Chaotic. Heroes can be any type of good, although even a chaotic or lawful neutral character can be a hero depending on his/her actions. It never hurts to be specific.
 * 5'13". There are only twelve inches in a foot, so to be correct, that should be 6'01". Even then, that is ridiculously tall for a Mobian. If Sonic’s height is to be considered average, then a lot of Mobians would be between three to four feet in height. Six feet is the height of a fairly tall human; way too tall for a Mobian unless you want them to end up looking like Slenderman or something.
 * Long-lost siblings have been done to death already. I have never once seen it done well. I’ll be saying stuff pertaining to this later in this review, most likely when I get to looking at his backstory.
 * I am very strongly against fanon-canon interaction; just as the long-lost sibling thing, I've never once seen it done well at all. People just want to have their character related to the canon characters and they don’t show any concern on not butchering their personalities. But again, I'll cover this more in detail when I actually get to the history section.
 * You can’t be a part-time head sheriff. Being a sheriff in itself is a full-time job, no ifs, ands, or buts.
 * And he’s 15? I’m sorry, but to even get a job in law enforcement, let alone be a sheriff, you have to have graduated high school, and have gotten several more years of education and training in law enforcement. If he's 15, there’s no way in hell that kid has that job. He’s high school-aged; the most he could do for an actual job would be working at a fast food place, a waiter at a restaurant, or working at the ticket booth of a water park.

Appearance
The only thing I can think to cover here is the height it said in the infobox. He’s way too tall for a Mobian. Other than that, this section seems fine, although looking at his gallery, he looks an awful lot like Sonic, which makes me think he’s just a recolor with some clothes and hair, which I’ve seen way too many times. Also, it looks like he only has one ear, which is fine, but it’s smack dab on the top of his head. Characters’ ear are usually off to the sides a bit, since there typically are two of them.

Personality
“He also likes standing out from the crowd because he wants to be unique, but not too unique.”
 * Um… What? This sentence makes absolutely no sense.

“’’While he was a part-time cop, he is alert, laid-back, and responsive to him/her in distress.’’”
 * Responsive to who in distress? Himself? Why would he be in distress?

“''He is even relentless at chasing down criminals. When night falls, he changes into his nighttime clothing as "Arondight the Sneak", in this case, he is mostly silent, fleet-footed, and quick to react.''”
 * That isn’t even personality.

“He really likes it best that no one talk about his dead mom, which will make him either: A. burst into tears and fall to the ground, or B. Turn into his beast form and snap in rage.”
 * He sounds incredibly emotionally unstable, in which case it’d be much easier to just say that instead of saying “He gets pissed off when people say anything about his mom”.

“He will usually be seen training in the backyard of his mansion and trains on his abilities because they were at unwanted levels.”
 * Again, that’s not personality. This type of thing belongs in a Trivia section more than anything.

History
Personally, I don’t think any fancharacter should be related to a canon character. It never works. Anyways, on to the actual history.


 * Okay, so you’re trying to tell me that the step-father was blaming the kids for things they didn’t do and their mother believed him? Sorry, no. Unless the mother was a complete idiot who paid no attention to her own children when they’re only at the age of just starting school, there’s no way in hell that’d happen. She’d know her kids too well to think they’d do what they’re being framed for, and would definitely notice that they aren’t the ones causing the trouble. That step-father would be out of the picture faster than Crush 40 can tell you “gotta go fast”.
 * In the first part of the history, it says Amy is older than Raven by a year. In the second subheading, it refers to them as twins. This needs to be corrected to keep it consistent.
 * ”Blam”* A simple typo, but it should say “blam” instead of “blame”. (I’m sorry I’m just a stickler for spelling and grammar.)
 * So his mother’s spirit possessed the necklace? Wouldn’t having her soul being trapped forever in an inanimate object not allow her to rest in peace? I suppose if she believed in an afterlife but not heaven or hell or whatever, it could make since. I also suppose she could’ve done that to be closer to her kids.
 * Which brings to mind some fridge horror. What if they sold the necklace and some huge creep got it and knew there was a soul in it? ._.
 * And then Raven is adopted at the same age everything else happened, as if the entire events of the section took place in under a year.

To put this in short, the backstory is incredibly cliche, generic, and uninteresting, inconsistent, illogical, and completely shatters willing suspension of disbelief.

Alternate History
I’m not even going to get into this. At the moment, I don’t have the time to comment on it, let alone even read it. I have a heck of a lot of homework I have to get done. ;w;

But if the first history section is anything to go by, I’m not gonna like this. ewe;

Powers
Wildebeest*, if you mean for the transformation to be named after the animal.

Other than that, there isn’t anything bad about here, except maybe go into a bit more detail about his super form. His powers have definitely improved a lot from how they used to be, so good job on that.

'''Something came up and I have to leave for the day. I’ll be back to finish this later'''. :D

--Fyre

Intervention
You know what??!, I'm really dead tired of all the negative comments these characters have received, it's like no matter how hard I try, I can't get a good article written down. If their is anything else negative here, I may may as well have all my articles deleted, and leave.

Sorry, if that got you a bit. I'm just frustated that my articles are not good enough. I'm trying to get at least one or two of them nominated at some point. And also, mostly everyone (excluding Darkest Shadow, through requested review) has opened. And a few people have responded from the fangirl issue, which I strongly regret. I tried for a while for people really like them, but I guess I misunderstood myself on this wiki. If people see something they don't like, THEY NEED TO OPEN UP AND SAY SOMETHING!!!!!>:(. Otherwise, all I can due is guess.

Lastly, if there is anymore negative stuff you find, you may as well stop while you're ahead. 'Cause this just isn't working out.Nitrogen218 (talk) 11:03, August 26, 2014 (UTC)

I'm really sorry that this is bothering you so much, but if you want your characters to be well-liked, rather than give up, work even harder on improving them. Never give up! Believe in yourself that you can improve your characters! :D

You're a nice guy, Nitro. I don't wanna see you roll over and just quit.  ♦Strength is subjective,   but you're weak from any perspective.♦  11:40, August 26, 2014 (UTC)

I appreciate this, but all I ask from not just you, but everyone here, to at least say something, because I don't know how to suit everyobe's interest if they don't tell me anything.Nitrogen218 (talk) 11:54, August 26, 2014 (UTC)