Board Thread:Article Critique/@comment-4567194-20140903003131/@comment-7637833-20140908043350

Okay, my first review, here goes... I'm going to be honest, so bear with me.

I'll do this in sections as well.

Intro
Okay, first off, while skimming through the page, I found some rather noticeable errors. Mostly grammar and spelling, easy fixes I guess but one thing stood out - "and her father was a caracal". Uh, pardon me, but I thought she was half-lynx, like her name suggests? Unless you decided to change her species halfway through writing the page, I'm not sure what to say.

General Info
I do like how you say she trains by using things like trees as pull-up bars in lieu of the real thing. I can imagine it's the way she likes to be her own person or something, and the way she goes about that is using the environment around her to her advantage. It gives me the impression that she's grown used to being in the wild or something.

History
Besides the glaring issue of her father being a caracal I mentioned before, I'm a little irked by how you say her father went mad. It seems like he just up and went crazy for no particular reason. There's also no explanation for why her father abused her. From my perspective, it seems like you either forgot to give a reason why or you're deciding to keep it secret for now.

Next, the business woman bit. There's no mention of where the girl comes from, nor any explanation of how she knows about Nightfall. Also, I'm "meh" about the bullies part, while the part about her getting a new costume is a little interesting. Though, I'm wondering what store sold something that resembled Rouge's attire.

The bit with Lili also seems weird. Unless I'm wrong, isn't 90K dollars quite a lot more than is possibly needed? Also, there's no mention of how Lili got this money. Is she rich? Did she steal it? I can't tell.

Overall her history is rather sub-par, as there's no explanation for why things happened and all that.

Personality
The short sentences get a little repetitive, honestly. But that's beside the point.

Going over this section, I'm inclined to like it. She sounds kinda like my lycalo lady Jaina, as they're both serious and kind of rude to people depending on the situation.

Skills, Abilities, and Powers
The gymnastics skills are okay, I guess. I'm kind of iffy about things like this, but eh.

Cursed with dark magic. Okay, nowhere else was this mentioned in her page, so again, I'm wanting to know what cursed her to have this power. I can see that her magic is similar to Raven's from Teen Titans, though, so I like that I guess.

Flight, eyesight, hearing, and night vision are okay. The biggest problem I have, though, is her strength trait. I'm fine with her being able to lift heavy objects, but breaking through metal? That seems a bit of a stretch I think. Also, how the heck does someone survive a stroke from fighting her? Furthermore, how does fighting her cause a stroke in the first place? It doesn't really add up.

Conclusion
Overall, I have to say this isn't very good. There are lots of holes in her history, and her powers aren't fully explained. To me, it seems like they were just tacked on without a second thought. I know that may seem harsh, but it's my honest opinion.

My verdict: 5/10