Talk:Sonic Rectification/Script/@comment-39521143-20191111211121

Pretty good script so far. The dialogue is a little stiff and repetitive in some places, but overall it's flowing nicely. I do feel inclined to point out though that when you write a script, you're taking on the role of a direct observer- in other words, when the audience watches the cutscenes, they need to rely on what they can see and hear in order to decipher what the characters are feeling. Writing Sonic's thoughts is fine because it has been done in TV shows, movies, etc. before, but writing how they feel doesn't really work. For example, you wrote this:

[''Sonic gets startled from Eggman’s hello, but pulls himself together.’’]

It really should be written as this:

[Sonic appears to be startled by Eggman's hello, but quickly composes himself.]

I do approve of the way you constructed the dialogue sections, though. For example, the way you wrote the following section of dialogue is how most dialogue in a script is written:

"Sonic: [Unsure] Hmm..."

Alrighty, that's enough from me. Hope this helps a bit, and I look forward to seeing what else you have planned for this story/game.