Thread:Mystic Monkey/@comment-2202259-20191010124259/@comment-2202259-20191012234323

I meant that I've always found Wikia & Discord as being an abusive cycle of making friends with some users, & getting treated badly or banned/blocked by others giving just as much pain as satisfaction. I'm living 3 completely different lives right now & I admit its hard but I don't want to kill 1 of my selves even if only temporarily. There's my Professional Self which I am whenever I go to work, my Normal Self which I am when I'm around other people offline & not working, & my Online self where I can feel free.

My other 2 selves aren't allowed certain things like the ability to like certain things. Usually people refer to those things as guilty pleasures. To give up my online self entirely, I would be losing 90% of the friends I have & would regret it. I would be alone, unable to trust anyone, & full of rage & despair if I completely left. Every time I'm banned or blocked that's why I take it so personally, it's hard to put a comparison for it into words, although each ban is a time I get stabbed. I admit my Normal Self does take over for my Online self often, although I really don't want to start metaphoricly slashing away at myself & leave that part of me dead.

I've lost too many friends to put my remaining friends through the pain of losing me. I believe real life is just as toxic as the internet at times. I used to have a friend on Sonic Fanon Wiki named Sapphire Flower who changed her name to Chica Nunnaly & I still haven't gotten over her mysteriously vanishing without any explanation. I'm already starting to feel as though I may have ended up doing that as well & I hate that feeling.

DeCool didn't exactly warn me before he banned me both on his server & on SNN. Although you're right I was making too many comments & polls on SNN, & if I get unbanned from there which is very unlikely I'll have to make much stricter limits on how much I interact there. I have been watching a lot of TV like you said though. I guess when I said abuse online, it's because I think that there shouldn't be much toxicity on the internet.