Board Thread:Article Critique/@comment-5732702-20140914234014/@comment-25618950-20141109225314

Okay, now that the forum is working and I have some time...

I don't see anything particularly wrong with the character. The history is well fleshed out; her appearance is sleek, stylish, yet simplistic; she doesn't exhibit tremendous power, almost taking on the "tank" archtype as opposed to being an OP jack of all trades and master of everything character; weaknesses are generic and predictable, but that isn't a bad thing.

The only thing I do have a problem with is the article itself, or rather in the way it is written. In places such as her second introductory paragraph and her history, the writing style changes from formal informative to being written like a Charle's Dickens novel. For example;

"Taking note, Dmitri changed the topic, catching her interest. Garne would forget about her walk and open up a bit, this odd man intriguing her."

That sounds more like a passage of a book than it would of an informative article detailing her history. Quite a lot of the history section reads like a novel, which wouldn't be so bad if you were writing a chapter for fanfiction, but for a wiki it feels out of place.

But those are my opinions.