User blog comment:Detective SkullWolf/Character Critique Requests/@comment-6012800-20140228195623/@comment-27765057-20140312214522

Appearance - THIS IS HORRIBLE THE ABSOLUTE WORST SONIC FAN CHARACTER DESIGN I HAVE EVER SEEN KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT! (Just kidding, it’s fine.)

History – I like how you added a section talking about how you came up with Kenas, so bonus points (not that there’s a score or anything). So I’m reading through the story and the first stopping point is when Kenas’ uncle tries to kill him (and succeeds at killing his mother). Why exactly did the uncle try to do this? The best explanation I could come up with is that something happened between the father and the uncle that lead to the uncle wanting to kill his family, and he decided to do this after the father disappeared. Next stop is with his demon partner, Negative. Where did this guy come from and who is he/she/it/idk? It’s never explained in the story and I feel that takes away from the first part. Also, if he’s Kenas’s “partner”, then why did he take over and start killing people, and why does Kenas not become more weary about Negative trying to do it again later down the road (unless he just doesn’t care). Moving on to the second part…why can’t his mother be revived, why does Kenas decide to kill Kraze, what is this spiritual world and how does it relate to the story, what are these “destroyers”, and how did Kenas survive having his own head smashed to pieces? For the third part the only thing I’m confused about is that Kenas woke up as a corpse…why? Finally, maybe we could eventually find out what happened to his father? There are quite a bit of capitalization and grammar errors that could be fixed as well. All in all, I think there are plenty of things for you to work on here so that the story makes more sense.

Powers –

Fire: Although it says that he trains with this power in the spiritual world (again, what is this place and what is its relevance?), it doesn’t specifically say where it came from. Did he get it from one of his parents? Anyway, he seems to have a varied selection of attacks with this power, and some of them are actually unique.

Dark: I still would like to know more about Negative (without going on his article, assuming he has one) and how he came to be…in Kenas’ head.

Conclusion: I give this a bottle of stale soy sauce out of ten.