Talk:Unity/Chapter 5: Not Again/@comment-32712012-20180515141735

OK, here's the critique (I think you requested this, Reens): So, there's the critique. I hope that this wasn't too harsh.
 * For starters, both parts are fairly well written.
 * I hate to say this, but Sneer's part is very painful. That's probably intentionally done in order to show how bad Sneer's life is, but as the part stands right now, I just find it very painful.
 * Reens's part is much more cheerful, at least by comparison. However, after Sneer's part, which was painful but looked like it was building to something, I'm finding it difficult to stay focused on Reens's comparatively slowly paced part. Plus, the fact that it seems like it's supposed to be idyllic compared to Sneer makes it seem all the more odd that Sneer and Jeremy are both lying about the gems. I'm hoping that there's some good reason for this...
 * TL:DR; The prose is well-written, but the plot, in its current state, bothers me. While this isn't necessarily a fault of the story, as it could look like this now and be amazing in its final state, this is my opinion of the story as it stands right now.