Thread:Lady Sapphira/@comment-6839973-20160409205000/@comment-27993649-20160410171657

Okay, I'm done! I hope I wasn't too harsh! So, here we go...

Appearance Overall 10/10 His paper is well described, and seems to fit him. Very little grammatical mistakes, and over all seems fine. That's really all I have to say, it's really good.

Personality Overall: 8/10 I only give this because his personality seems to clash with what you say. Like how he's very cold, and you say he's shy, which are very different, though I might be interpreting this incorrectly. I think you could probably expand it too, seeing as how he has a very deep backstory and that his character seems to develop. Other wise, it was very good, a few problems here and there, and just add a little more to it and I think it can reach its potential.

History Overall: 6/10 I give it a very poor rating because there seems to be many loopholes. It's very detailed though, but there is a lot of major information missing, like why/how he met Mephiles, the whole father thing, and how he acquired a Darkspome form, seeing as how that is activated by using the World Rings in the Arabian Nights. I know that you said it is not sure how he got that firm, but that's a very large loophole that needs to be fixed. Another is him not knowing his past. I don't recall you saying he gained amnesia, and if you meant like who is mother really was, I also don't believe you ever mentioned that he knew that Isabella Mongoose wasn't his mother. That's something that bothered me too. You also need to introduce the characters better, as Nicole randomly is mentioned, and there's little information on Omega, and various other characters. If you did that, the history section would be even better.

Powers Overall: 9.5/10 This section seemed fine. The only thing that threw me off was the Wilderbeast part. That had not been explained earlier, so it sort of seems fairly random. Explain this better and in the history too and you'll be fine.

Abilities/ Skills Overall: 10/10 These two sections are perfectly fine, and I have nothing to really add. They are good in structure, have no loopholes, and make sense.

Weaknesses Overall: 9/10 This part was fine, except for the end. The Dissipation Effect seemed a little random. I might have just not really understood it, but it seems random and it wasn't really drawn to the character, like "This could happen to Raven should" I dunno, something happen. That's all. Everything else looked very good!

Trivia Overall: 8/10 You had a lot of good trivia, don't get me wrong, but some of it also seems random. Like again with Mephiles, and the Darkspine form. I understand that it's unclear how he got it, but I think you really should explain how he got it, because it makes no sense for him to randomly have it. And I've already touched on the Mephiles part, so those are the only things that make it less than perfect. Other than those, everything looked fine to me!

Friends, Rivals, and Counterparts Overall: 9.5/10 These are great and just need a little time up. Some of them haven't been mentioned before, so you might want to add them to your history, and other wise this was very good.

Quotes Overall: 10/10 No problems here. All are good, and no loopholes as far as I can tell. Great job!

Overall Score: 80/90= B+ Overall, this was very good. You just seem to have a lot of loopholes that need to be fixed. Once you do that, Raven will be just perfect! I hope that I wasn't too harsh on you, and I hope that you'll take all of this into consideration. Thank you!