User blog:GravitatingEnigma/nothin is here

this is a same repeat of the journal I posted over on dA but I though I'd post something here too just so the same message gets through.

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According to my parents I am now failing English and Algebra 1 I am really disappointed in myself because essentially I have no future now... I won't be coming back here. I have to force myself not to draw anymore, even though its my only outlet of the stress I'm being put through. I really wish I had a chance to get a better grade because now that I'm failing I have no hopes of going to pharmacy school. no hopes of getting my own home, getting a job... anything really.... the way I see it is that I am a worthless pile of shit with absolutely no life left. I'm still wondering why I haven't punished myself for my failures because my dreams are gone. I will have nothing.

my parents don't understand that all of this stress that they're putting on me is weighing me down to the point where I don't even want to live anymore... I need motivation but I lack it and I have no real way of redeeming myself. my last real hope is to talk to my teachers and hope to god that I can get an alternate assignment but as of now the ship has sunk, I have less than a month of school and I've blown it...

I never thought in my life of ever getting near failing grades and I'm disappointed because I used to be on honor roll.... that's a big difference. everyone here is taking away from my life and everything I have because DeviantART is a distraction and I can't wait for a moment without checking my messages.

most of this comes from all of the drama people keep sending into my inbox and the fear that people are spreading rumors, or bulliying me and I can't be there to defend myself. I'm gonna be forced to almost leave this account behind and focus because I can't seem to do so with all of the distractions. I'm probably going to have to kiss my premium goodbye as well as my hopes of becoming someone in the art community, or even someone out in the real world.

I really can't do anything but sit and work from now on...

so for now this is a goodbye

I will be on hiatus until I get some improvement in my grades. I will return eventually but not anytime soon