User blog comment:Detective SkullWolf/Character Critique Requests/@comment-5942805-20140228031233/@comment-27765057-20140304173500

I won't be touching on his appearance, as there really isn't anything wrong with it (also, appearance is pretty much my weakpoint as far as pages go. You'd be able to tell by the fact that most of my characters don't come with appearance sections). The only thing I will note is how strange it is for him to have reptilian eyes despite not being a reptile.

Moving on to personality, he's pretty much your average psychopath. Perhaps you could add a trait that would make him stand out from all the other crazies. For example, give him an object of obsession (perhaps an everyday object like a bowl, maybe a weapon, or even just a concept or belief), however try not to use something a psychopath WOULD be obsessed with (blood, killing, knives, etc).

I'm a bit shaky on his history being told from the first-person point of view, since a character is often to tell the story from a biased point of view and we want to know what actually happens. Also, you're as bit inconsistent on your point of view. There are a few things that need clarity or need polishing up. For example, "Like Nocturneos, Mephisto was the oldest of Flasheona and himself, also being the second-to-last born." At first I thought that Mephisto was his own father (yes, that is seriously what I thought from reading this), and Flasheona was the mother. Of course that can't be because Flasheona is the sister, so who's the parents? Another thing is the second sentence, "they were hated by them all". Who is them? Their family? There are more sentences like that that take away from the story itself, like the first sentence of the second paragraph (again who is this "six"?). "Ignis, the leader of the group and most violent of the group, beat us until there was nothing left." So, there's nothing left of your characters? Or is Mephisto just saying that to be dramatic? Finally, why exactly does this family seem to hate each other's guts? I'm not seeing much of an explanation for it. As a final note for your history, I think you should split everything up into smaller paragraphs. This would make it more easy for people to not get lost while reading.

Being a deity, it would be expected that he is rather strong. I do like that his omnikinetic powers don't come from him simply being a god, instead coming from him stealing from his other fellow gods. I also like that his powers are not as strong as his main power. If that were not the case, I would be considering him falling closer to the overpowered category. I would've liked an explanations for his illusions.

Finally, his forms. Most of his forms really just talk about his appearance. I would like to know what they actually do, aside from the ones that are only for disguises.

So in conclusion, you've done good work so far, but it seems that you still have a lot more work ahead of you.