Thread:CrimsonFlame2K/@comment-32220816-20170622145416/@comment-9749276-20170626040724

Oh boy, here we go again. Now, I hope you've been paying attention to whoever teaches you the basics of writing, grammar, and whatnot, cuz I might be talking quite a bit about that for the first few parts.

Starting off with his appearance, I highly suggest you write it down in a paragraph form, which will probably allow you to write it down with a greater deal of detail and whatnot. Besides, that's kinda what everyone does in most pages. Aside from that, it seems okay enough.

As far as his personality goes, as I mentioned before, it's rather poorly written in that I kind of have a hard time grasping the core traits of Max's character and... what the hell is up with that thinking process at the end? It simply feels a little tacked on, if you ask me. If you really feel the need to point it out, it can probably explained a lot more clearly when written in paragraph form.

Speaking of tacky sections, why the hell do you need to write down a separate heading where you need to explain how Max got so strong? It's a lot more tacked on than his moral thinking process, as it uses a whole new header.

Speaking of Max's strength, there are his powers and abilities. Literally everything is in bullet form when you, once again, probably should've made it into a paragraph form as to allow a greater deal of elaboration. Also, if you're gonna list down his list of attacks and whatnot, I suggest you put that under a separate header, kinda like what Mantis and I do with most of our characters in the Darkness Trigger series.

Here's one example of such with one of my characters: Whirlwind the Hedgehog

It doesn't have to be exactly the same, mind you, but just take this as a point of reference on the format of Max's move list.

Back to his actual powers, sure, I can see that Max stole the Super Emerald from Eggman when he somehow ended up in Mobius by some freak accident, but this only brings up a new question: How did Eggman get his hands on that in the first place?

Also, while I'm not sure exactly how long Max had it, I still can't comprehend how simply holding onto it and using its power allows him to achieve a super form without an external source of power, which is usually a big no-no in most cases. The fact that there doesn't seem to be much of a valid explanation as to how this is possible only makes this worse.

In addition, assuming that the Super Emeralds are still just enhanced forms of the Chaos Emeralds (cuz I have no idea what other changes you've made in your personal headcanon universe), wouldn't someone looking for them wonder where that Emerald went, and if that someone just so happened to be a bad guy, Max would probably be putting himself in danger, which would make for an interesting plot point in Max's history before joining GUN.

Speaking of his History, I won't complain too much about that as that's something that's entirely up to you in the long run. Although, it could be a little more organized. The same goes to his Relationships, which is admittedly the least messy of the page.

...okay, I think that's all I really have to say.